Defending "No Defense"

On your fourth grade AAU team you may remember your coach preaching the mantra: “Defense wins championships.” It seemed easy enough: Just stay in front the guy you're guarding. Hands up. Move your feet. Force him into a bad shot. Hell, if you're lucky, maybe even force a turnover. All ways to stop them from scoring. If your team does it, you win. In theory, it works every time. Unfortunately, theory doesn't account for 5'10 mustachioed 8-year-olds... with weird ethnic names... who score 50 points in their bad games... and leave you unable to wake for school on Monday because you spent all night crying into Mr. Cuddles. But I'm over it, I swear.

New Yorkers are a product of 5-minute fast foods and 25-cent tabloid newspapers. To fans here, teams are either the 96 Bulls or the worst thing to ever happen to pro sports. (Apparently, the middle ground was a victim of the Bloomberg budget cuts.) All but six games into the Carmelo Era, a 3-3 record had the Big Apple already calling for Mike D’Antoni’s head like John the Baptist.

What if every job carried the pressure of instant glory? I mean that type of thinking seems to work so well in the Sudan. They ask, "Why not the Knicks?" as if New York had come to expect a certain degree of success because of its history of second round defeats and failed championship aspirations. Patrick Ewing is not rolling around in his figurative grave. (Although he would make a pretty good Frankenstein) They’re not the Yankees.

Could we please cut D'Antoni just a little more slack? Wouldn’t you want your team to gain every ounce of knowledge they could from this guy? Whether or not the guy is the right coach, it is universally agreed that he is a top-tier offensive coach. And he's coaching on a team with two top-tier offensive players. Not the Starbury's or the Stevie Franchises or player X with a clever moniker and not so keen basketball IQ. In Amare Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony, New York has 2 premier scorers. Having an offensive playbook catered to their skills could fatten up their stats like Baron Davis on the Cavaliers. (Come back to me in a year...)

Systems are created to cater to its best players. In Phoenix, Steve Nash was the best player. Offensively, he was a genius; giving the assist a rebirth of sorts. He made it cool to pass again. Defensively, however, he might have had trouble guarding the life-sized standup of his opponent, much less the breathing version. Amare came into the league looking to put up huge numbers on marquee players, admiring them so much he was nice enough to posterize them on more than his share of occasions. The point is, these guys didn’t come in to the league as Bruce Bowens, but the system won the games. You can’t turn around and push these circles into square pegs.

If the argument is that D’Antoni coached teams play poor defense then the argument starts to gain some steam, but I would counter with who on these teams were considered a good defender when D’Antoni wasn’t there? Did he make them worse? When Terry Porter, a defensive-guy stepped in, the Suns record was worse than under D’Antoni and Porter was shipped out like a used textbook on Amazon.

The statement “They never play any defense” seems to lose its grip when that same general New Yorker also claims that Derek Jeter is the worst defensive player in baseball history when defensive metrics clearly show that Chuck Knoblauch is. (Light up Applause sign here) Playing no defense would mean making no effort whatsoever. Playing NO DEFENSE would indicate that they just stand under their own basket the whole entire game – essentially a team of anti-Jared Jeffrieses. This just isn't the case.

Two statements:

“If Robert Horry didn’t check Steve Nash into the stands, the Suns might have won the championship that year.”

“D’Antoni could never win because his teams don’t play any defense.”

It’s funny how it can be common rhetoric that two contradictory statements are true. (Like the Xenadrine commercial where Ronnie from Jersey Shore says “I like to keep it real.”) Whether or not you believed that the 2006-07 Suns were Disney World-bound is beside the point; you must admit they took it to the Spurs that year. It took seven games of the conference final to determine the better team, a team without Amare Stoudemire who was punished by David Stern for standing up. (The ability to stand up quickly always peeved Stern.) The system won them 62 games in 2005 and the Western Conference regular season #1 seed. The system could win with the right players in place getting hot at the right time. Period.

Opinions aside, D’Antonomics/the run-and-gun/seven seconds or less system (insert Dwight Howard “Pause”) carries with it several facts:

1. Emphasis on point guards make for significant increases in assists. Assists make other players better

2. Role players tend to have their roles increased thus multiplying their own value to their teams (See: Thomas, “That Bitch” Tim) and later making them enormous sums of money (then eventually enormous sums of debt. See: Walker, Antoine).

3. Matchup problems are created when fleet-footed dominant scorers are matched up with slower larger counterparts

4. The teams are always among the top 3 in scoring.

So often are innovators looked at as imbeciles. It’s become cliché to point at Christopher Columbus claiming the world was round when everybody said it was flat, but I’m going to do that anyway. While the defensive ideology is nice and would make sense among similarly talented players, that isn't how the game works...

My personal system of rating a guy’s value is comparing them to the next available option. Show me the coach you’d rather have in New York. It’s just like when the Knicks fans called for a scoring center after the end of the “Wait, did he walk? Nah, he’s Patrick Ewing, they won’t call that.” era. Isiah Thomas brought you Eddy Curry and you suddenly realized that what was needed was an impact player: not someone simply possessing the silhouette of one. Firing D’Antoni and plugging in Terry Porter doesn’t put the Knicks any closer to where they want to be, it only sets them back. Show me championship pedigree and I will consider it but until then, the Knicks have in place a dominant coaching force. 62 wins proves that.

All those hard working kids that focused on getting their hands up? They're making clutch stops in the semi-finals of their YMCA leagues.

But the NBA? It's filled with those mustachioed 8-year-olds. The Knicks happen to have two of them. And they both happen to excel on offense. And they both happen to have a coach who pays his bills by maximizing such offensive talent. And while I know you don't want to disappoint your 7th grade coach, in the real world the best defenses don’t always win championships, but the best teams almost always do. And if the Knicks fail to get to that level, at least the system they play makes it entertaining to watch them try.

Web Gems: The Miami Locker Room

LeBron James Is the officially the new MJ... Just not the way we thought

March 6, 2011. Mark it down as the day LeBron James has finally ascended to heights of which we haven’t seen since his Airness last danced on the hardwood for last time.

Before I go further let me give you a “500 Days of Summer”-like forewarning: I should tell you from the outset, that I am no Heat fan, and as a New Yorker, I don’t know if LeBron James himself volunteering to play on my JCC basketball team would even get me to like him once again. (Obviously joking, I’m all about the 4 inch trophies baby!)

“Michael Jordan!” That was the name exclaimed as I watched my older brother ascend to new heights and throw down a monster dunk. Of course I was 4 years old and the hoop was about as tall as he was. But nevertheless, Michael became synonymous with the sport when he inherited the title from the hands of Magic and Bird (who just held it up high enough so that little 5’11 Isiah Thomas couldn’t reach it.) And ever since Michael gracefully walked into the sunset a champion (as it is now recently been revealed that Michael’s older, fatter, slower brother Kenny was in fact the one who played for the Wizards… Fact. Google it.) fans and beat writers and even non-basketball fans have been waiting in anticipation for the next great one; the next one to captivate our minds; the next Michael.

Then in 2003, this kid, beit a 6’8, 245 lb monster of a kid, came into the league with all these expectations on his shoulders. And for the most part, he attacked them head on like Jared Jeffries was the only one in the lane stopping him. But what LeBron, his yes-men, and I came to realize is that this was no Jared Jeffries standing in his way - this was more like Dwight Howard, Shaq, Kobe Bryant, Grant Hill, Kevin Garnett, Vince Carter, Tracy McGrady and Harold Minor all standing in some sort of pyramid – the point is, he was never going to do it.

Then – the stroke of genius. This is when I point to the wrestling as the benchmark for society’s trends. Case in point: Hulk Hogan and Michael Jordan were almost treated that same and in very many ways they had a similar standing in society. For whatever reason, their records were squeaky clean, and the kids loved it. Then Stone Cold Steve Austin (and Willa Ford) came around and it became good to be bad. Suddenly to become squeaky clean was old, and the Hulkster had to look to the nWo to revive his career. And now look at him…. Err bad example…

The Decision comes along and suddenly LeBron James had his ticket. While he never could live up to the bar that MJ had previously set, what if he used a former champion (Dwyane Wade ← who btw just became the new Brett Favre with his spelling) and Avatar to stick the bar up the fans ass and on the way down give the Stone Cold ‘F U’.

The fans didn’t want a hero. Like what was said in Spiderman, they’ll love you for a while, then spit you out when they’re tired of seeing you. See, what the fans really want is drama. If LeBron goes and wins 10 championships in Cleveland, so what? He’d be mentioned in the same breath as Michael Jordan and Bill Russell. If he averages a triple double, he’d be mentioned with the Big O, (Oscar Robertson, not what Delonte West gave LeBron’s mom. Sorry couldn’t resist.) Now, by bringing all this, for a lack of a better term, Heat on himself he suddenly stands alone as the singularly most hated individual in the NBA … yes even more hated than Ron Artest, and he punches fans in the face.

Now every night LeBron faces crowds on the edge of their seat waiting for LeBron to brain-fart. When his team lost 4 in a row this week, 3 of them close (and one at the hands of my Knickerbockers!!!) suddenly the teary-eyed Miami locker room became the talk of the town. They’re failures are all over the back pages!

What’s missing in all this hoopla, is that this drama is bringing the casual fan back into the sport – even if it’s to sit 3 rows away from him and to curse him out.

He has become the new-aged hero. The one we love to hate. He gives us all the reasons to hate him and he vows to shove it down our throat for doubting him, but in the end, that’s all we ever really wanted.

The Carmelo Topping

I remember where I was when the trade went through; on the couch where I often found myself falling asleep to SportsCenter or a Knicks in 60. Needless to say, as a Jets and Knicks fan, I considered it both very plausible and equally likely that I was dreaming since for as long as I’ve been a competent thinker, I’ve known my favorite teams to swing and miss at these opportunities as if Richie Sexson was running the team. (Richie Sexson, a 6’9 former? MLB 1st Baseman ironically would probably be a better fit for these new look Knicks than Jared Jeffries.)

Back to the story. It wasn’t until the next morning, back on that same couch when the “I’m Coming Home” commercial came on that it finally sunk in. When the “I know my kingdom awaits...” lyrics came on the screen and the helicopter view of the Garden was shown I started to get chills; and the good kind, not the kind that LeBron James gets when he tries to cross the street without Dwyane Wade holding his hand. What we were getting in Carmelo Anthony wasn’t a “Stephon Marbury.” Carmelo Anthony is a bonified scorer, someone who can create a shot in more than a variety of ways, utilizing his quickness with the best first step in the league; a post game that would make Dwight Howard jealous; or simply continuing on the NBA record for the most “long-lost art of the mid-range jumper” references by commentators in an NBA season. We’re currently at 639 this season.

And the so-called ‘costly’ package we gave up of Winky Chandler, Danny Gallinari, Ray Felton, Eddy Curry, Sir Anthony Randolph, Ivan Drago and some picks that probably won’t be useful since we fully expect them to be in the 25-30 range anyway are all great pieces, and while I loved them while they were here, let’s be real: they’re pieces to put around a player like Carmelo Anthony. By now I think you would know if Danilo’s career was leaning more towards the Dirk Nowitzki end of the see-saw or more the Hedo Turkoglu. I hated getting rid of Felton too, but it took all of 6 seconds into the first game for Chauncey Billups to look comfortable in the offense. Wilson Chandler? Yeah, I’d like to have him on my bench but you simply do not hold out on the opportunity to set your whole future up in an instant.

Yes, the roster as it is may seem as bare as Jared Jeffries without a shirt on, (Jared Jeffries insult #2 for those keeping score) but so what?! Role players are replaceable and the oh-so-needed defensive-minded big man are likely never going to have to cash an unemployment check.(Welfare, however may be entirely different issue) Lest we forget about the veterans a la Shaquille O’Neal, Mike Bibby, Big Z... etc, etc on the downside of their career interested only in experiencing the feeling of placing a ludicrously-oversized ring on those digits. You could be damn sure those guys weren’t coming here to play with Jared Jeffries (#3).

New York, why not concentrate on what we actually do have on this team now?

1. Two truly elite scorers in STAT and Melo. That means no more waiting for Eddy Curry to develop; No more pretending Stephon Marbury is a dominant force; No more blaming Allan Houston for never becoming what he never was; and no more hoping that Larry Johnson develops Wolverine’s mutant healing abilities. We now have 2 (probably 3) guys that could literally change the game at will, and even more so now because there just happens to be two of them and defensive minds can't just send the hounds at them.
   
   
2. Two elite rebounders at their position in Carmelo Anthony and Landry Fields, albeit neither of them play a traditionally rebounding position, it makes a difference especially when you’re playing Ronnie Turiaf as if this was 2004 and he was still playing for Gonzaga.
   
   
3. A real leader of a point guard in Chauncey Billups, a guy who still has something to prove and was a #2 pick of the draft. Oh yeah, did we mention that he was the NBA Finals MVP? If come crunch time in a playoff game is there any other point guard you'd want with the ball in their hands? Which brings us to...
   
   
4. We now have 3 of the most clutch players in the NBA in our own Big 3. In one season we went from having question marks taking shots to legitimate studs... and while a question mark may have pretty decent form, they really don't have too much lift on that period. (English humor...so sue me!)
   
   
5. Overnight New York went from being “The place you could make a lot of money and gain a lot of exposure since its a big market” to “a place that you could win a championship in a huge market.” See how much that makes Dwight Howard or Chris Paul's spidey-senses tingle.
   

So in short, New York, get over your emotions. While you’re out complaining that we gave up too much, you’re missing out on the makings of a perennial contender. And for God’s sake, please stop calling for the Knicks to sign Troy Murphy or Earl Barron. That kind of thinking got Patrick Ewing traded for 75 Jared Jeffrieses (What’s that like #6? He sucks. Get it?!) The only advantage you guys have over Donnie Walsh is your assumed superior mobility. That’s it! Stop trying to band-aid a long term goal! Truly if the fans had it their way we might have ended up with Bosh Spice and Joe Johnson right now instead of STAT and Melo.

We’re well on our way, long-suffering Knicks followers. And as I see it, anything short of Carmelo or Amare suffering a freak accident slipping on a frozen draft envelope in practice, we just might have the team we have all been dreaming of for over a decade.

He went to Jared?!

2009-10 NBA Season in (P)review

I’m not a fan at all of preview articles. To me, they’re more reviews of the last season than Nostradamus-like glimpses into the future. Ev-ery article, ev-ery league, ev-ery year is the same with same championship teams in the top 2 or 3 and the good team that improve via off-season signing. And for that, the Buck stops here (and I'm not talking about Michael Redd and his inevitable return too soon from injury).

If you didn’t already notice by now, I don’t like cookie cutter systems. Cookie cutter systems are the ones that have me drafting Larry Johnson in fantasy football no matter how low I drop him. These are the systems that tell you that Jamarcus Russell is the can’t miss prospect despite the logical reasons to think the contrary. They’re also the ones that cause NBA GM’s to inexplicably sign and resign Tim Thomas, despite the fact that he hasn’t cared about actually playing basketball since his 11th grade. Generally, I prefer to use logic and if all else fails, NBA 2K10's rating system (jk). So now, for the first time this year you will get the 2009-10 NBA Season in REview; and what better way to do that than to unveil the official and unofficial off-season awards.

MVP: The Most Valuable player is LeBron James. I’m sorry. There’s just no other way I could cut it. He is the best player in the league, and he will continue to be the best player for the next 10 years (or until his knee gives out, most likely, 3 minutes after signing with the Knicks.)

Rookie of the Year: Brandon Jennings… I even threatened to call this the Kenyon Martin Award or the Smartest Retard award for a draft class weaker than Kevin Durant but does Blake Griffin qualify for indirectly making his team better by inspiring the two guys he'd be taking minutes from to have career years? Jennings-mania has already caught on, with 102% of people calling him the next AI. The question now is, who is the next BJ? Tim Thomas, put your hand down.

NBA Finals Matchup: Cavaliers VS Spurs… Yes a return to glory for the San Antonio Slow-But-Steady- Spurs…

NBA Champions: Poppovich realizes that the only man on earth that could guard LeBron James plays for the Cavs and is named LeBron James. Ginobili pulls out the right side of his hair in Game 1 not-so-surprisingly easily, then shaves his head. LeBron confuses him for a smaller Ilgauskas and turns it over to him in the waning moments of Game 6, blowing the game and the series. During the Post-game interview, he tears his Cavs jersey down the middle to reveal a Knicks jersey he's been wearing all along underneath, going on to proclaim that he is now the King of New York. An enraged Mike Brown hits LeBron with a steel chair and Al Roker, seated in the front row next to Spike Lee is arrested out of confusion. Somewhere, Vince McMahon smiled, but only as a side effect of steroid abuse.

OK. For all of you who wanted the Cliff’s Notes, this is where your article ends. But then again Cliff's Notes sole purpose is to get you to pass English and if you were actually reading this for your English class, then perhaps your teacher should find a new profession. For all of you who are still awake , the awkwardly uncomfortable foreplay is now complete and we can finally get to the fun stuff. No homo.

The Michael Jackson Award – For the guy who just died all of a sudden, but really wasn’t all that surprising either: Stephon Marbury… career dropped off faster than Steve and Barry’s after releasing the Starbury 2. Hmmm...

The Stevie Franchise Award – For the guy who everyone thinks is great but then gets traded and all of a sudden loses all playing ability: Despite Elton Brand lobbying for the award this year claiming a ‘Red-Shirt’ for last year, he had no shot up against Hedo Turkoglu who realized that his open threes were mainly manufactured by the wildly overgrown child in the middle.

The Brian Scalabrine Award – For the guy riddled with limitations on the basketball court but really does one thing well and will always kill you for it: Eddie House. Very rarely do you get two award candidates on the same team and one of them actually takes the award but this is indeed the case, especially when theres "Eddie Houses" playing against you in every Men's League nationwide, and you know exactly how the stumpy 3-point gunner plays.

The Shawn Marion Award - For the guy whose fantasy numbers trump their actual value to their real team: Andris Beidrins. He’s like a Dwight Howard… if he was skinny, white, and not dominantly athletic. Oh, and btw, that’s not a good thing. Apologies to Troy Murphy as he would have been a lock, had he been able to lift a lock without getting hurt.

The Curtis Martin award – For the guy who everyone says is underrated so much that everyone in the world says he’s underrated, thus making him overrated: Andre Iguodala… good defender, efficient scorer. That’s it. Getting 1st option money when he's a 4th option at best.

The Leon Washington award – for the guy who everyone says is underrated, yet is still severely underrated: Danny Granger. Like 2004 fantasy Shawn Marion, only the real-life version.

The LaDanian Tomlinson Award – for the guy whose value made you love him but suffers an injury and never is the same player again, thus crippling your franchise: Well, Allen Iverson was the obvious award winner here last year, and he actually was a front runner for it again here this year if we didn’t completely see it coming. Ultimately the award has to go to Yao Ming, who after trying to come back way too soon from foot woes, had another ‘successful’ surgery mid-season.

The James Posey Award (Formerly the Jerome James Award) – for the guy who had one good Playoff last year and gets a ridiculous amount of money for doing so little, thus crippling the team’s salary cap: Marcin Gortat. Career backup big man. Didn’t the Magic ever watch footage of Jerome James? Apparently Otis Smith doesn’t know Youtube.

The Pre-Garnett Paul Pierce Award – for the player who is clearly a 3rd or 4th option on a Championship team, but gets overrated as a superstar because his team is terrible: Joe Johnson… come on… he’s a shooter who can dribble.

The Eddie Curry Award – For the player who with unlimited upside that the fans just started to realize will never reach that potential: Marvin Williams. Pains me to say it and I don’t hate the Hawks, for your entertainment. With him getting drafted over much better options, he has essentially become Joe Smith 2.0. Ironically, Joe Smith is now on the same team, perhaps serving as a mentor, as the Hawks wanted to ensure Williams remained remarkably average.

The Zach Randolph Award – For the player who undoubtedly will hoist up the worst shot at the worst possible time: Zach Randolph/Allen Iverson. Much like Stockton and Malone winning the Co-MVP for the All-Star game, there is no better combination than what the Grizzills decided to use to stunt the growth of their young team.

The Lazarus Award – The guy who was brought back from the dead: Last year Shaquille O’Neal ran away with the award. This year he was a candidate for the Michael Jackson. This year Manu Ginobili brought back Happy Days to San Antonio… and reminiscent laughs for fans of Balki from “Perfect Strangers”. His new nickname should be Nick at Nite.

The Jamarcus Russell Award – The guy who deep down in your heart knew was a huge draft bust, yet was drafted anyway and turns out to be even worse: Hasheem Thabeet… so many things I just don’t like… in particular a big guy lacking big guy skills.

The Lamar Odom Award – For the small forward who is a combination of size, ball handling skill, and 3-point shooting ability making analysts pee themselves claiming they have never seen such a combination: Carmelo Anthony.

So there you have it. Go place your bets! And remember, Marbury is a mortal lock for the Jackson.

Draft This!

After my daily prayers for Derrick Rose to the Knicks went unanswered I found my answer after Paul Pierce and the Celtics went on to prove that there is, in fact, no God.

OK, maybe I'm getting de ja vu but didn't the same crap happen to Boston last year that's happening to New York this year? And see how that turned out?

Glass half full... glass half full...

Damnit. It didn't work. Yeah and my Knicks are still stuck with a BS pick in a BS draft with BS fans who don't give a BS. God I hope they do something. To tell you the truth, I'm not very intrigued with many of the guys on the board past Beasley. It seems like a very "Kenyon Martin" type draft.

But speaking of Beasley, I seem to think that Pat Riley really wants him. I mean maybe it's just me (and Mario Castelli who brought this up btw) but I find it very easy to think that Pat Riley has a little something up his sleeve... why else would he have lobbied for Derrick Rose so much? Hmmm. Honest people just don't slick their hair back like that as we all learned from the masterpiece that is D2: The Mighty Ducks.

And don't be surprised, by the way, if the Bulls pull a "Dwight Howard" on us and go and take Beasley anyway. I mean, HE IS after all, the better fit. How could it even be argued? They would need to trade half their team just to play Rose... and last time they did something like that they traded away Tyson Chandler to pay an over-the-hill Ben Wallace who essentially was just a shorter version of Chandler. Meanwhile, Beasley fills the scoring forward need... and best of all, they wouldn't NEED to hope Tyrus Thomas finally learned how to play basketball. Just a thought.

Now if you don't mind, Danny Ainge just gave me the Devil's phone number. I need to ask him for Russell Westbrook.

Isiah, it's Now or Never

Simple question: Is now the time for the Knicks firesale?

While most of you out there was wishing for it since the days of Charlie Ward, even going Benny Arnold on us jumping on the early millenium Nets bandwagon, I think we really have come upon the time.

I could live with the losses last year; Jamal Crawford and David Lee both getting hurt for the season-defining stretch run really made me believe. Then the Knicks inexplicably found somebody to take Channing Frye and Steve Francis, and even better, they gave us their best player in return in Z-Bo.

So with a team tinkering on .500 for the good part of last year, with the addition of another young dominant big man, things were looking good. Excitement actually started to build, even with Sports Illustrated predicting a second-place finish in the Atlantic Division.

So maybe things didn't get off to a great start. That was to be expected. I'll live with the blowouts, seriously, because you can tell that there was room for improvement. However these last nine losses in 10 games have been the worst stretch I could remember. As opposed to early blowout losses, these Knicks were finally playing scrappy and jumping out to leads. But just like that girl that got away in high school, they were first just a big tease, and then they break your heart.

It has become evident that they're not winning because you simply can't win with energy players alone. What kills me is they are actually playing good basketball and it doesn't seem to be enough. And if this culture continues even Nate Robinson, Ronaldo Balkman and David Lee might stop trying so hard.

"Fire Isiah" chants need not apply, this actually might be the best stretch of coaching he's had. But if he values his job, he better not go down with the ship without a fight, and that ship better not be sinking with the Jerome James and Malik Rose weighing it down.

The Knicks need to deal now. Ron Artest is supposedly as good as in the Knicks back pocket for next year. Well, one, you better be damn sure that he will sign for the mid-level exception and two, you had better move some of those guys whose minutes Ronnie will be occupying next year. If it means losing Balkman than so be it. But Tom Cruise's God help us if we take back Mike Bibby or some other bullshit player. I'm tired of these mid-level talents. New York needs a New York guy, with a New York attitude that we could cheer about.

It's time now. No holding back anymore. But whatever you do, Isiah, if you do improve this team, please give this team an identity, and keep them in position to acquire a superstar. LeBron is waiting in the wings, don't let him end up in Brooklyn.

Are there even franchise players anymore?

Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paper boy, David Tyree...

OK, maybe it wasn't how you remember the Full House theme, but the message still rings true, especially in sports. And no, I'm not talking about the Giants improbable Super Bowl run, I'll leave that for somebody else. I'm talking about the superstars often deemed "franchise players."

Back in the day, franchise players were all over sports. Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Joe Montana... etc, all were pretty much with one team throughout their whole career and for good reason. I mean other than those hanging on just a little too long (Favre-ing) could you really even picture these guys in any other colors? The answer was no. Today? I'm not so sure. But today t seems as if we use the 'franchise' word more liberally than Andris Biedrins uses sun tan oil.

In the last week we saw we saw the greatest player in the Grizzles short history (Kung-Pau Gasol) traded for the Ryan Leaf of the NBA, Kwame Brown. We also saw the best pitcher in baseball (Johan Santana) and the greatest big man of the last decade (The Artist formerly known as Kazaam) moved before we knew it. . and yet we nonchalantly pushed the news aside because we've seen it all before.

Whether it was Terrell Owens, Kevin Garnett, Alex Rodriguez... etc etc, we HAVE seen it before. With big name players moving so around so much they ought to sell jerseys with a dry-erase board on the back. I mean on quick glance of my closet I can now officially classify my authentic Pacers Ron Artest jersey, Pistons Ben Wallace jersey, Nets Kenyon Martin jersey and Knicks Antonio McDyess jersey as unintentional throwbacks.

With so many players now-a-days playing GM, getting the players they want around them (a-la-Kobe Bryant), trading themselves (a-la-Jason Kidd), coupled with free agency and a salary cap, its no wonder why we could never know what to expect... and not in the good way.

And while rumors of LeBron, Wade, Kobe, Jermaine O'Neal and Ron Artest to my Knicks does prove salivating, is it really in the leagues' best interest? Shouldn't Kobe forever live in Laker lore? Magic Johnson was always a Laker. Larry Bird never asked for a trade. Michael Jordan never signed a 3-year-deal in his prime to move to a bigger market. So why are we giving these scrubs (in comparison) all this power?

Free Agency and the salary cap obviously isn't working when Jared Jeffries is getting the full-midlevel exception and David Lee (the Knicks' most important player) hasn't cracked $1 Million. Then when teams like the Orlando Magic go and give a max deal to a mid-level player like Rashard Lewis, we criticize. It's crap. The whole system is crap.

Even in baseball, which has no salary c(r)ap, mid-level teams are still using their smaller-sized market as an excuse for not paying the players they are lucky enough to scout well. Last time I checked, all these teams still sell $8 beers and $5 hot dogs. They all made money but the owners are more concerned about filling their wallet than filling their trophy case.

I really can't blame the players for going out and trying to get paid. I mean if it really was about the winning, wouldn't their local YMCA suffice? It's about getting paid first, then winning. It always has been, even now at the high school and college levels. And it sucks. I really don't know a way to fix it or how to bring it back to the way it was back when Full House was on the air. All I know is that and Danny Tanner curses now. The whole world's gone to hell.

Michael Jordan Fake Retirement Tape

Fire Isiah?

"Fire Isiah!" has been more popular than the wave in New York arenas lately, but to be honest, that really doesn't even have a good ring to it. "Fire Thomas" is so much easier to chant.

But it's not as if New Yorkers ever made it easy anyway. Joe Torre, for example, the most successful manager in baseball for the last decade and a half got the ax after never missing the playoffs. Or what about Patrick Ewing, who despite being the offensive and defensive leader of 15 years of championship contenders, will forever be considered a loser.

New York is just used to everything coming so convenient. You pay for your burger, you get it in five minutes. You want a taxi, you just whistle. You want to pay a bill? Just go online. But it just doesn't happen like that all the time. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of New Yorkers. I'm sorry, but sports dynasties don't just happen. In fact they're about as rare as a problem-free Spears. Just because we may be in the midst of a virtual Boston kimura on all mainstream sports doesn't mean that NY is owed anything. And no, us New Yorkers aren't any more deserving than the people in Minnesota, no matter how much they want to tank.

In the past week I have seriously been asked the "Do you think Isiah should be fired?" question about 10 times. I'm a real Knicks fan. What do you expect me to say?

Isiah Thomas inherited a crappy situation and hate it or not, he made it better. As much as you like to reminisce about the Knicks of '94 and the Knicks of '99 you have to remember that Charles Oakley left a long time ago. And about the teams from 2001 on?

A friend once told me that these Knicks are just as bad or worse than the team pre-Isiah. Oh, really? The starting lineup of Charlie Ward, Allan Houston, Keith Van Horn, Kurt Thomas and Dikembe Mutombo. Within two years, 3/5 of that starting lineup was out of the league. But since they were lovable losers means they get a free pass? I remember I couldn't even upgrade that team in NBA 2K4, never mind in real life.

Yet Isiah took that situation, traded for draft picks and acquired a young team. Yeah, maybe Stephon's not the leader we thought he would be. But next year his expiring contract should be enticing enough for some team to trade for before he rides off, discount sneakers and all, into the Italian sunset. But other than that do you realize Eddy Curry is only 25? Zach Randolph is only 26. And lest we forget our 23-year-old budding star, David Lee. In fact, you could make a list of players Isiah discovered longer than Chris Bosh's neck. It's really not as bad as they make you believe on whichever New York tabloid you found on the subway.

The laughing stock of the NBA? Oh please... How different is this team from Minnesota? Or Seattle? Or the Bobcats? Or the Hawks? Are we so ignorant to see that even New Jersey, Indiana and Miami aren't the perennial powerhouses of the past and have slowly but surely spiraled down the tubes faster than last night's Chinese? I know I see it.

But it is this unwarranted pressure the New York media and fans put on these teams that kills their confidence and ultimately makes bad situations worse. This unwarranted pressure almost drove the MLB MVP, Alex Rodriguez packing for Anaheim. This unwarranted pressure forced Scott Layden's hand as he traded Patrick Ewing for 17 long-term contracts that we are still dealing with. This unwarranted pressure is keeping these very Knicks from performing or rallying since any support is drowned out by the boos that rain down as soon as they are down more than two points. This unwarranted pressure is the reason why we are about to kick out one of the best players and talent evaluators of our era because we haven't won a championship every year.

What has Isiah done any worse than the last seven years of predecessors? The only difference I noticed is that he assembled a team that had a fallback... In case of fire(sale) break glass and pull handle. Unlike the virtually untradable good guys we had in the Kurt Thomas era, we now have talented tradable assets.

I've heard "since Patrick Ewing" so many times I'd swear they had a quota. Marcus Camby: The best defensive Knick since Patrick Ewing; Antonio McDyess: the best post up player since Patrick Ewing; Michael Sweetney: The first Georgetown big man drafted since Patrick Ewing... and so on. Well, guess what, New York. Patrick Ewing isn't walking back through those doors. You made sure of that.

Fire Isiah, New York? How about you fire yourselves.

The NBA's Best Big Man?

You would have thought I said who's now when people see this picture. Big Dwight Howard... the freak... the Manchild. Call him what you will. Just don't be so quick to call him the premier big man in the game because I'm sorry, he's not.

Before you sentence me to stoning with boulders via Dwight Howard, understand what I am trying to say here. I have seen him live. His athleticism for his size is remarkable. His rebounding skills are uncanny. Yes, his shoulders look like youth-sized basketballs. Yes, I know he's scoring 23 ppg right now. But he's not the best big man in the game. I argue that he's not even the best young big man. That honor would go to another freak, Amare Stoudemire.

Dwight simply doesn't have the offensive repertoir to justify that standing as the league's premier big body. I'm sorry but when 80% of his baskets come from his own offensive rebounding and 19% come from alley-oops, there's really little to show. He's more like a big-time 'garbage player.' But when it comes to establishing position or gaining an advantage through footwork Dwight finishes miles behind David Lee, never mind Amare Stoudemire... or Carlos Boozer, or Elton Brand, or Kevin Garnett, or Al Jefferson etc... etc.

You may not see that as a bad thing, and in most cases it's not. I mean, yes, he sure would look nice next to Eddy Curry. But with the clock winding down at the end of the game, who do the Magic look for? Are you putting the ball in his hands 1 on 1? I know I wouldn't. And I don't think they would have overpaid Rashard Lewis that much if he could.

Howard is often compared to another recent Basketball Adonis, David Robinson. But even David Robinson didn't win anything until he got Tim Duncan. Here's a picture so you don't forget what he looks like. Oh, I guess you forgot about him. Didn't he JUST win the NBA championship? Did he fall out of his prime that fast? Or are we just enamored by the flashy (yet still amazing) ESPN highlights we're bombarded with on a nightly basis.

Duncan isn't the only oversight. Just as quietly as Tim Duncan's dominated the West, Chris Bosh is quietly doing the similar things in the East. Well, yes, maybe to a much lesser extent, but 22 and 10 shouldn't be ignored. And if you're so quick to point out field goal percentage then have fun explaining to me how Tyson Chandler is a better scorer than Elton Brand.

I am sick and tired of hearing all this hoopla about potential. Potential is the reason why Kwame Brown was taken #1. Potential is why Tim Thomas is still collecting game checks. Potential is why the Knicks, my Knicks, are sitting in last place in the Atlantic Division, the cellar of the NBA. The problem I see with Howard is that he is attaining all of these accolades now, and he will not become the player he could potentially become.

As for now, let's just call a spade a spade. He's an NBA All-Star center. Tell Wilt his standing in history is just fine... for now.

Short shorts come up short

Despite playing in their boxers, the Lakers still lost 110-90 on Sunday. Actually, it was retro night at the Staples Center and the Lakers sported the ol' Stocktons for a half. To fake quote Kobe Bryant, "The short shorts didn't bother me at all. I actually liked them. No homo."

Web Gems: "The Nash"

It really belongs in the Web Gems section on the right bar, but it really is too good to pass up. I love DrunkAthlete.com!

No-Brainers

If anything was evident in the Vegas Summer league, it was that the Greg Odens and the Kevin Durants were not as ready for the NBA as the Lebrons or the Carmelos.

Say what you will about Durant’s so-called “scoring ability,” simple fact is that he was outplayed almost every time he stepped onto the court. And people were so worried about him getting pushed around by the bigger guys, but it was Renaldo Balkman’s stringy self that was trying Durant down.

What I saw out of Durant was a guy who pretty much looked like what he is: The younger kid who was too good and too big for the kids his age, so the powers-that-be moved him up to the big boys.

The problem is that unlike the college level, these guys are going to be just as athletic, just as tall, or both. And he’s always going to be skinnier, at least for the first couple years. He simply wasn’t ready for the jump.

Oden, on the other hand, had scouts drooling last year as if he was Jessica Biel in a bikini. But the problem is that he too was not ready. I remember hearing from a commentator, “If Greg Oden was in the NBA right now, he’d be on the all-defensive team.”

If the summer league was any indication, that commentator and the masses of his supporters can hold their horses.

Before Oden went and got his tonsils removed like a 8-year-old boy, he looked like an 8-year-old boy, be it a 7’0 260 lb, caveman-looking, 40-year-old, 8-year-old boy. But even he wasn’t ready.

The system is all screwed up. Kids like Oden, Durant, and next year, O.J. Mayo; they are all not ready for the limelight. But they are raised in an educational system where it really doesn’t matter if they pass English class; they have an NBA career ahead of them.

So what’s the point David Stern? What’s the point of waiting a year after High School or not waiting at all? These guys would think they were ready if the age requirement was lowered to sixth grade.

And for every LeBron, how many Kwame Browns are there who ruined their whole life thinking NBA stardom was ahead. Even worse, these guys expect it now. They expect to be stars as soon as they get there.

Then come the Renaldo Balkmans of the world to bring them back to earth, along with all the media that have been along for the ride in their rectal cavities.

I believe in the end this will be a mute point. I believe Durant and Oden will be NBA players. They just aren’t now. But David Stern has to stop pretending that a year of college will do anything for them.

If recent events have shown anything, a year of college can actually hurt your draft stock. Just ask this year’s 9th pick, Joakim Noah, who would have gone #1 last year.

The system is made so that even these uneducated morons can see that it’s really a no-brainer when it comes to staying in college and risking injury among other things, or taking lucrative offers from endorsement companies to promote their products. This is their life-long dream. And unready or not, it’s really not their problem. It’s the NBA and its sponsors.

So why are we acting like its about the education?

My State of the Knicks Address

New Yorkers can be so impatient at times. “Fire Isiah” chants rained on the very first game in Madison Square Garden last year, a game that I attended. THE FIRST GAME, and they went Bob Backlund on us and threw in the towel. No the Knicks didn’t make the playoffs. But all in all, I still feel that last season was a success.

I learned a lot about this team though. I learned that David Lee is Pretty Fly for a White Guy. That he is a dominant rebounder despite everything he has going against him, his skin color, his hair, and his size. I learned Stephon Marbury can be dominant, and that Larry Brown didn’t totally castrate his basketball abilities. I learned that Eddy Curry could hit a three, and more importantly that he could dominate the game with his post scoring.

It still wasn’t all peaches and creams. I also learned that despite what John Hollinger’s CDR (I’ll get into that later) may tell you, Channing Frye isn’t a 20-10 player. I learned that no, Steve Francis isn’t even a shell of the shell of a player he was in Houston. But you know what… in one foul swoop, Isiah fixed those two negatives in the trade that brought in Zach Randolph.

ZACH RANDOLPH! Think about it this way. In two years Isiah essentially traded Channing Frye, Michael Sweetney, Trevor Ariza and LaMarcus Aldridge for Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph… because dominant young post players before their prime are easy to come by in the NBA.

Now before John Hollinger loses more hair coming up with new ways to add to his PER aka the CDR (Curry Deficiency Rating) I have a new rating system that I came up with all by myself… lets call it the CSM or the Common Sense Method. See, instead of using the theory of relativity to compare the effectiveness of players I’ve never watched, I’m going to instead watch every Knicks game and then analyze it using my EYE.

How could a combination of two dominant post presences not equate into wins? Common sense, right? Two guys shooting over 50%, getting the majority of the touches while the other team only shoots 45%. Ron Burgundy: It’s science.

What can any team with one defensive stopper do? They can’t double-team both of them. Even the conscienceless Nate Robinson and Jamal Crawford could hit open shots. Heck, even Jared Jeffries would start hitting those shots. Everyone who says that there aren’t enough balls to go around have to realize that other than Jerome James, the Centers aren’t the ones bringing up the ball. When they get the ball, they are supposed to take a high percentage shot. That’s why they made the position, despite what Mike D’Antoni tells you.

And now there’s talk of shipping over Ron Artest for David Lee. While I love David Lee, we have to think both short-term and long term. Ron Artest can literally put these Knicks over the top. David Lee can really be nothing more than an energy guy. But with Randolph’s knack for rebounding, Lee has become less needed. If the Knicks can somehow swing a trade for the St. John’s alumn, it would bring a defensive toughness that has been missing since they sent Charles Oakley packing. And when the time comes where the Knicks would have to actually pay David Lee, I don’t think him or his agent are settling for the Veterans Minimum. Don’t you think we’re better off convincing a complete nut to take less money? Yeah… and it’s even easier when that nut is an All-Star talent who is from New York.

Maybe you Knick fans haven’t watched in a long time. It sure seems that way. Yeah, for a while, these Knicks were practically unwatchable, especially that year when Larry Brown was coaching. But stop for a second regurgitating beat writers’ opinions and try grabbing a remote and watching the game for yourself. Because if you haven’t watched, then you missed this slow overturning of a bad expensive roster into an expensive one with enormous potential.

Complain all you want about the payroll, Knick fans, but that really doesn’t affect you. All that matters is that the Knicks have become relevant in the league once again. With or without the addition of Ron Artest, the Knicks have a young nucleus that Isiah is not afraid to change if it doesn’t work. And in a day when so many people refuse to take responsibility for their actions, Isiah is, and if he fails it’s not for lack of trying. As compared to you Knick fans who so gave up on him the first game of last season, I stuck with him. And I’m about to see the fruits of his labor. (Pardon the sexual harassment pun)

Jason Paderon is a co-owner, columnist and cartoonist for ChewThemOut.com. Additionally, he was a newswriter at the Staten Island Advance. He can be reached at paderon@chewthemout.com

Greg Oden vs Kevin Durant: Does it Even Matter?

I remember this day last year, praying that when this day came, it wouldn’t even matter to the success of the New York Knick organization or its legion of fans. (50% of which live in my room apparently)

But I guess its like one of those “Be careful what you wish for” kind of things. Thanks for the lesson, God! But before I go carefully wording my draft day prayer let me talk about this for one second. After all, this is supposed to be a draft for the ages, right?

Well at the top of the draft are two high school studs, fresh victims of the Age Rule. One, Greg Oden, a seven-foot defensive monster, brought to Ohio State the biggest hype we’ve seen this side of LeBron James. Meanwhile, Kevin Durant playing the Carmelo to his Lebron, fresh off his domination in Texas.

Who to choose? This is the question that has plagued fans and journalists alike over the last couple months. This isn’t anything entirely new, however. We’ve been faced with these decisions before with Carmelo and LeBron, Dwight Howard and Emeka Okafor, and even the great Jordan v Bowie debate.

While the jury may be out on the other two, the Bowie draft pick over Michael is one that has plagued the Trailblazer organization to this day. That and a stretch when they were pretty much were the Bengals of the NBA combined causing fans to disappear faster than Clyde Drexler’s hairline.

So, faced with a similar decision again, what is Portland to do? Let’s just hold it for a minute right there. Is this really a draft the caliber of the 1984 draft that produced Michael Jordan, Hakeem Olajuwon, Charles Barkley, John Stockton and Rick Carlisle? (That’s right, 3rd round, 23rd pick to the Boston Celtics) I don’t think so. I don’t even think it’s on par with the draft that produced LeBron, Dwyane Wade, Carmelo and Bosh.

It’s funny that in sports we are always so quick to look for “successors.” God knows how many “Next Jordan’s” and “Next Dirk’s” we’ve had over the years. But let’s really compare these guys to what we have.

What is Greg Oden’s ceiling really? Are we looking at the next David Robinson? The next Patrick Ewing? The next Bill Russell? Let me answer all those three questions with a quick ‘no’ and an even quicker slap for insulting me.

As ‘great’ as Oden was in the championship game, I also saw a very flawed player. While he was an excellent shot-blocker, he looked a step slow on some plays and his offensive repertoire was about as extensive as Philip Seymour Hoffman in Along Came Polly. (Always a favorite of mine.)

How good can he really become? I see him as a bigger Ben Wallace with a slightly better offensive game. Nothing really more. And while he may be an important clog on a championship team, I don’t see him as being the Tim Duncan of a championship team.
Now before you go jumping on the shoulders of Kevin Durant, realize that he probably wouldn’t be able to hold you up. I understand that many players have come to the NBA rail-thin and have succeeded, but how many Next KG’s have to come and fail before we realize that he’s more the exception than the rule. More so, how many teams has Garnett carried to a championship in his tenure? 0.Lack of supporting cast or not, isn’t this what we expect out of a #1 pick?

Durant’s game is said to be more like Carmelo Anthony’s than anything, except Durant rebounds. My question is his heart. Honestly.

As an athlete, I’ve seen many people with that desire to become better and for some reason Durant throws up that red flag. Yeah, he’s really athletic, but seriously, I’m 165 lbs and I could bench press him. And my 100 pound girlfriend could bench 185 lbs. as many times as he can.

Arguments could be made for those the likes of Tayshaun Prince and Reggie Miller, but Tayshaun is a defender first, who isn’t asked to create his own shot, and Reggie never created his own shot with the ball. There’s a reason why there just aren’t that many of these guys.

I see a lot of Adam Morrison in him actually. I think he’s going to struggle to score as easily as he did in college, and as for the 11 RPG, I’d be surprised if he got seven.

Let’s say that that’s the ceiling for these guys. One is a taller Ben Wallace who can’t rebound. The other is a poor man’s Carmelo Anthony who has more of a face-up game than anything else. Now while both players would be excellent additions to veteran teams, neither is ready to take the NBA by storm and dominate like LeBron did. If you asked me, I would trade the pick, then hire Isiah Thomas as a draft day consultant. But then again, I am a Knick fan.


Jason Paderon is a co-founder, columnist, and cartoonist for ChewThemOut.com. Additionally, he was a news reporter for the Staten Island Advance. He can be reached at paderon@chewthemout.com.

Toon Them Out: Spurs rain on Cleveland's Parade

Hop off the Lebronwagon

Wow, you would have thought Jordan was back. That was the impression I’ve been getting ever since LeBron’s Game Five 48-point explosion that set the NBA world on fire. But before we all go hopping onto the Bronwagon, let’s just calm down for a second. While he did score 28 points consecutively, and while he really did make a historically great defense irrelevant, was it really the memorable performance everybody made it out to be?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d rather watch Kobe go off for 81. I’d rather watch Jordan push off Craig Ehlo, forever casting him in the background of a decade’s worth of Gatorade commercials. I’d rather watch Reggie Miller score as many points as he could get out of that alien-body in 12 seconds. I’d rather watch Larry Johnson’s four-point play. Those are the memorable performances in my mind. Heck even the Allan Houston three pointer after a Stephon Marbury miss to force overtime against the Dallas Mavericks three years ago in the regular season will stand out more.

The point is that LeBron was just dunking, and not dunking it in a Vince Carter
way that you would remember either. They were uncontested basic dunks that my brother often does in warm-ups. When you’re six-feet and in high school, it’s really cool. When you’re 6’8 and in the NBA, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. In fact, the most Vince Carter thing about his whole performance were the mindless, flat, fadeaway jumpers he took “cuz he was fillin’ it.”

There was no excitement. There was no point in that stretch where I had to step back, take a breath and just admire it. It happened too quickly. And whule, no, it doesn’t have to be flashy to be effective, it does need to be flashy to be memorable. After all, how many Tim Duncan and Shaquille O’Neal playoff highlights do you really remember?

And after all of that was said and done, Detroit was still in the game! After LeBron became a cyborg, he became human on defense. Jordan never did. Kobe never did. Duncan never did.

Don’t give me that crap about LeBron’s teammates or lack thereof. Jordan didn’t exactly have Hakeem Olajuwon in the middle. Heck, he didn’t even have Zydrunas Ilgauskas. And look at the Spurs. Other than Tim Duncan, who on that team was supposed to amount to anything? Michael Finley…14 years ago?

I look at the draft as a litmus test for how good the scouts believe a player would be. I understand that Tony Parker is quick, but he wasn’t supposed to be this good. Same thing goes for Manu Ginobili. But Tim Duncan (and Eva Longoria) has made them into household names and perennial All-Star contenders, and more importantly, perennial championship contenders.

Isn’t that what LeBron was supposed to do so well in the first place? To elevate the games of his teammates a la Magic Johnson? I mean, for all the times we’ve questioned the playing ability of Damon Jones and Eric Snow, did we totally forget that Robert Horry is horrible in precisely 47 minutes of every game? Yeah. Because Tim Duncan IS that good.

Not to take anything away from LeBron’s performance though. On that stage, in that arena, against that team, yeah; it was great. Did it surpise me? Not at all.

At no point did LeBron impress me really. I KNEW he could jump out of the gym. I KNEW he was a 22-year-old guard despite looking like a 30-year-old power forward. I knew this, and expected it in Game 1. After all, he could have powered home a dunk for the ages on Tayshaun, but instead he decided to defer to his fat 3-point shooting power forward, Donyell “No I’m not Ludacris in 10 years” Marshall. Then I was so sure that he would dunk it in Game 2. Instead, we got a Vince Carter type fadeaway five feet from the rim.

So he had failed twice already. So why does this become like he didn’t mess those situations up. If he does, this game doesn’t even take place. The Cavs would have swept the Pistons dynasty and the Knicks would be introducing Rasheed Wallace as their Power Forward right now. (I wish)

To me this is like A-Rod striking out 50 consecutive times in clutch situations. We know he has the talent. We knew it. Now in the World Series, he finally hits a clutch grand slam. Does it instantly make him clutch? Does it instantly make him great? What if instead of A-Rod, it’s Josh Phelps. Does he become an all-time great too? No. Just ask Miguel Cairo.)

Michael Jordan said it all recently when he said, "Making 'The Leap' is where you do it every single night. It's expected of you, and you do it. ... Not one game, not two games. It's consistent. Every defense comes in and they focus on you and you still impact the game. I think he's shown signs of that."

Signs. That’s it. Maybe he will become great one day and pass down this advice to the next LeBron. But he’s not there yet, and don’t be surprised if Tim Duncan shows him that. But instead of forcing the weight of the world’s expectations upon him, why don’t we just sit back and let him develop into the player he’s destined to be.

Jason Paderon is a co-founder, columnist, and cartoonist for ChewThemOut.com. Additionally, he was a news reporter for the Staten Island Advance. He can be reached at paderon@chewthemout.com.

Stop Getting the Knicks Fans Riled Up!

Apparently the Knick fans aren’t alone in wishing the team back to the NBA elite. With the free agent season just around the corner, the rumor mills have bounced around the Knicks name like Jessica Simpson on a trampoline.

First it was Pau Gasol. Then it was Kevin Garnett. Then Jermaine O’Neal said he wanted to come here. Vince Carter too. Chris Webber wanted to come here last year in Philly when it seemed as if his career was on the wrong side of the hill. Homegrown psychopath Ron Artest is a virtual lock as soon as Sacramento decides he’s not a good influence on Mike Bibby. Word is Kobe Bryant apparently wants out of LA, La la unless West comes back west. And look whose team has come to the forefront? That’s right, your New…York… Knicks! (Brings me back, it really does.)

And that was only this off-season. Don’t forget that Lebron, D-Wade and Carmelo are headed here after their three year contracts are done.

So let me get this straight. So according to these rumors, the Knicks will have a starting lineup of Wade, Kobe, Lebron, Garnett and Jermaine O’Neal? Sounds good to me!

But oh wait… how are we supposed to get these guys?

I don’t want to hear that it’s because of the money. If we figured out a way to trade for Tim Thomas, trade Nazr Mohammed for an overpaid, undersized Malik Rose, and overpay for Jerome James there HAS to be a way!

But now I have to stop being a Knick homer for a minute. Honestly, these are superstars, and even if they are content with $5 million veteran exceptions in exchange for all the endorsements, their agents certainly aren’t. I mean, as high-paying a city as New York is with our Yankees, Mets, Rangers and Knicks, you don’t see the best player in their sports playing here. (Alex Rodriguez is about as close as we’re going to get, yet we’ll never appreciate him until we’re describing him to our grandchildren.)

In fact, instead of a collection of highly-paid superstars, the Knicks are more like highly-paid second-tier players. Not to take anything away from them, though. If I was going to be paid 10-times less than the salary Jerome James gets I’d be happy. And you would too. But it shows just how desperate teams can get. There aren’t exactly enough superstars to go around, not even to New York.

The problem is that if these superstars were so willing to come to New York and play under the microscope of two major tabloids, non-stop coverage from ESPN and ChewThemOut.com ;-) then they would.

So if Garnett wants to play alongside Marbury again, I’m certainly not standing in his way. It would probably make his wallet extra large and either way make or break his legacy. If Isiah could somehow make amends with Larry Legend and figure out a way to swing a Stevie Francis for Jermaine O’Neal deal, then by all means… PLEASE DO IT!

But I’m getting tired of rumors circulating every day about possible Knick acquisitions with nothing coming out of it. When Kobe Bryant’s limousine door swings open and he steps foot onto the New York City pavement as a New York Knick, believe me, I’ll be one of those people there screaming like a girl at a Jason Paderon column reading. (Or a Justin Timberlake concert, whichever gets the point across better.)

But until that day, I’m just going to have to live with the fact that it’s still Jerome James stepping out of that limo. Not that I care though, I’ll still be there screaming my brains out. I’m a Knick fan.


Jason Paderon is a co-founder, columnist, and cartoonist for ChewThemOut.com. Additionally, he was a news reporter for the Staten Island Advance. He can be reached at paderon@chewthemout.com.