Defending "No Defense"

On your fourth grade AAU team you may remember your coach preaching the mantra: “Defense wins championships.” It seemed easy enough: Just stay in front the guy you're guarding. Hands up. Move your feet. Force him into a bad shot. Hell, if you're lucky, maybe even force a turnover. All ways to stop them from scoring. If your team does it, you win. In theory, it works every time. Unfortunately, theory doesn't account for 5'10 mustachioed 8-year-olds... with weird ethnic names... who score 50 points in their bad games... and leave you unable to wake for school on Monday because you spent all night crying into Mr. Cuddles. But I'm over it, I swear.

New Yorkers are a product of 5-minute fast foods and 25-cent tabloid newspapers. To fans here, teams are either the 96 Bulls or the worst thing to ever happen to pro sports. (Apparently, the middle ground was a victim of the Bloomberg budget cuts.) All but six games into the Carmelo Era, a 3-3 record had the Big Apple already calling for Mike D’Antoni’s head like John the Baptist.

What if every job carried the pressure of instant glory? I mean that type of thinking seems to work so well in the Sudan. They ask, "Why not the Knicks?" as if New York had come to expect a certain degree of success because of its history of second round defeats and failed championship aspirations. Patrick Ewing is not rolling around in his figurative grave. (Although he would make a pretty good Frankenstein) They’re not the Yankees.

Could we please cut D'Antoni just a little more slack? Wouldn’t you want your team to gain every ounce of knowledge they could from this guy? Whether or not the guy is the right coach, it is universally agreed that he is a top-tier offensive coach. And he's coaching on a team with two top-tier offensive players. Not the Starbury's or the Stevie Franchises or player X with a clever moniker and not so keen basketball IQ. In Amare Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony, New York has 2 premier scorers. Having an offensive playbook catered to their skills could fatten up their stats like Baron Davis on the Cavaliers. (Come back to me in a year...)

Systems are created to cater to its best players. In Phoenix, Steve Nash was the best player. Offensively, he was a genius; giving the assist a rebirth of sorts. He made it cool to pass again. Defensively, however, he might have had trouble guarding the life-sized standup of his opponent, much less the breathing version. Amare came into the league looking to put up huge numbers on marquee players, admiring them so much he was nice enough to posterize them on more than his share of occasions. The point is, these guys didn’t come in to the league as Bruce Bowens, but the system won the games. You can’t turn around and push these circles into square pegs.

If the argument is that D’Antoni coached teams play poor defense then the argument starts to gain some steam, but I would counter with who on these teams were considered a good defender when D’Antoni wasn’t there? Did he make them worse? When Terry Porter, a defensive-guy stepped in, the Suns record was worse than under D’Antoni and Porter was shipped out like a used textbook on Amazon.

The statement “They never play any defense” seems to lose its grip when that same general New Yorker also claims that Derek Jeter is the worst defensive player in baseball history when defensive metrics clearly show that Chuck Knoblauch is. (Light up Applause sign here) Playing no defense would mean making no effort whatsoever. Playing NO DEFENSE would indicate that they just stand under their own basket the whole entire game – essentially a team of anti-Jared Jeffrieses. This just isn't the case.

Two statements:

“If Robert Horry didn’t check Steve Nash into the stands, the Suns might have won the championship that year.”

“D’Antoni could never win because his teams don’t play any defense.”

It’s funny how it can be common rhetoric that two contradictory statements are true. (Like the Xenadrine commercial where Ronnie from Jersey Shore says “I like to keep it real.”) Whether or not you believed that the 2006-07 Suns were Disney World-bound is beside the point; you must admit they took it to the Spurs that year. It took seven games of the conference final to determine the better team, a team without Amare Stoudemire who was punished by David Stern for standing up. (The ability to stand up quickly always peeved Stern.) The system won them 62 games in 2005 and the Western Conference regular season #1 seed. The system could win with the right players in place getting hot at the right time. Period.

Opinions aside, D’Antonomics/the run-and-gun/seven seconds or less system (insert Dwight Howard “Pause”) carries with it several facts:

1. Emphasis on point guards make for significant increases in assists. Assists make other players better

2. Role players tend to have their roles increased thus multiplying their own value to their teams (See: Thomas, “That Bitch” Tim) and later making them enormous sums of money (then eventually enormous sums of debt. See: Walker, Antoine).

3. Matchup problems are created when fleet-footed dominant scorers are matched up with slower larger counterparts

4. The teams are always among the top 3 in scoring.

So often are innovators looked at as imbeciles. It’s become cliché to point at Christopher Columbus claiming the world was round when everybody said it was flat, but I’m going to do that anyway. While the defensive ideology is nice and would make sense among similarly talented players, that isn't how the game works...

My personal system of rating a guy’s value is comparing them to the next available option. Show me the coach you’d rather have in New York. It’s just like when the Knicks fans called for a scoring center after the end of the “Wait, did he walk? Nah, he’s Patrick Ewing, they won’t call that.” era. Isiah Thomas brought you Eddy Curry and you suddenly realized that what was needed was an impact player: not someone simply possessing the silhouette of one. Firing D’Antoni and plugging in Terry Porter doesn’t put the Knicks any closer to where they want to be, it only sets them back. Show me championship pedigree and I will consider it but until then, the Knicks have in place a dominant coaching force. 62 wins proves that.

All those hard working kids that focused on getting their hands up? They're making clutch stops in the semi-finals of their YMCA leagues.

But the NBA? It's filled with those mustachioed 8-year-olds. The Knicks happen to have two of them. And they both happen to excel on offense. And they both happen to have a coach who pays his bills by maximizing such offensive talent. And while I know you don't want to disappoint your 7th grade coach, in the real world the best defenses don’t always win championships, but the best teams almost always do. And if the Knicks fail to get to that level, at least the system they play makes it entertaining to watch them try.

LeBron James Is the officially the new MJ... Just not the way we thought

March 6, 2011. Mark it down as the day LeBron James has finally ascended to heights of which we haven’t seen since his Airness last danced on the hardwood for last time.

Before I go further let me give you a “500 Days of Summer”-like forewarning: I should tell you from the outset, that I am no Heat fan, and as a New Yorker, I don’t know if LeBron James himself volunteering to play on my JCC basketball team would even get me to like him once again. (Obviously joking, I’m all about the 4 inch trophies baby!)

“Michael Jordan!” That was the name exclaimed as I watched my older brother ascend to new heights and throw down a monster dunk. Of course I was 4 years old and the hoop was about as tall as he was. But nevertheless, Michael became synonymous with the sport when he inherited the title from the hands of Magic and Bird (who just held it up high enough so that little 5’11 Isiah Thomas couldn’t reach it.) And ever since Michael gracefully walked into the sunset a champion (as it is now recently been revealed that Michael’s older, fatter, slower brother Kenny was in fact the one who played for the Wizards… Fact. Google it.) fans and beat writers and even non-basketball fans have been waiting in anticipation for the next great one; the next one to captivate our minds; the next Michael.

Then in 2003, this kid, beit a 6’8, 245 lb monster of a kid, came into the league with all these expectations on his shoulders. And for the most part, he attacked them head on like Jared Jeffries was the only one in the lane stopping him. But what LeBron, his yes-men, and I came to realize is that this was no Jared Jeffries standing in his way - this was more like Dwight Howard, Shaq, Kobe Bryant, Grant Hill, Kevin Garnett, Vince Carter, Tracy McGrady and Harold Minor all standing in some sort of pyramid – the point is, he was never going to do it.

Then – the stroke of genius. This is when I point to the wrestling as the benchmark for society’s trends. Case in point: Hulk Hogan and Michael Jordan were almost treated that same and in very many ways they had a similar standing in society. For whatever reason, their records were squeaky clean, and the kids loved it. Then Stone Cold Steve Austin (and Willa Ford) came around and it became good to be bad. Suddenly to become squeaky clean was old, and the Hulkster had to look to the nWo to revive his career. And now look at him…. Err bad example…

The Decision comes along and suddenly LeBron James had his ticket. While he never could live up to the bar that MJ had previously set, what if he used a former champion (Dwyane Wade ← who btw just became the new Brett Favre with his spelling) and Avatar to stick the bar up the fans ass and on the way down give the Stone Cold ‘F U’.

The fans didn’t want a hero. Like what was said in Spiderman, they’ll love you for a while, then spit you out when they’re tired of seeing you. See, what the fans really want is drama. If LeBron goes and wins 10 championships in Cleveland, so what? He’d be mentioned in the same breath as Michael Jordan and Bill Russell. If he averages a triple double, he’d be mentioned with the Big O, (Oscar Robertson, not what Delonte West gave LeBron’s mom. Sorry couldn’t resist.) Now, by bringing all this, for a lack of a better term, Heat on himself he suddenly stands alone as the singularly most hated individual in the NBA … yes even more hated than Ron Artest, and he punches fans in the face.

Now every night LeBron faces crowds on the edge of their seat waiting for LeBron to brain-fart. When his team lost 4 in a row this week, 3 of them close (and one at the hands of my Knickerbockers!!!) suddenly the teary-eyed Miami locker room became the talk of the town. They’re failures are all over the back pages!

What’s missing in all this hoopla, is that this drama is bringing the casual fan back into the sport – even if it’s to sit 3 rows away from him and to curse him out.

He has become the new-aged hero. The one we love to hate. He gives us all the reasons to hate him and he vows to shove it down our throat for doubting him, but in the end, that’s all we ever really wanted.

The Carmelo Topping

I remember where I was when the trade went through; on the couch where I often found myself falling asleep to SportsCenter or a Knicks in 60. Needless to say, as a Jets and Knicks fan, I considered it both very plausible and equally likely that I was dreaming since for as long as I’ve been a competent thinker, I’ve known my favorite teams to swing and miss at these opportunities as if Richie Sexson was running the team. (Richie Sexson, a 6’9 former? MLB 1st Baseman ironically would probably be a better fit for these new look Knicks than Jared Jeffries.)

Back to the story. It wasn’t until the next morning, back on that same couch when the “I’m Coming Home” commercial came on that it finally sunk in. When the “I know my kingdom awaits...” lyrics came on the screen and the helicopter view of the Garden was shown I started to get chills; and the good kind, not the kind that LeBron James gets when he tries to cross the street without Dwyane Wade holding his hand. What we were getting in Carmelo Anthony wasn’t a “Stephon Marbury.” Carmelo Anthony is a bonified scorer, someone who can create a shot in more than a variety of ways, utilizing his quickness with the best first step in the league; a post game that would make Dwight Howard jealous; or simply continuing on the NBA record for the most “long-lost art of the mid-range jumper” references by commentators in an NBA season. We’re currently at 639 this season.

And the so-called ‘costly’ package we gave up of Winky Chandler, Danny Gallinari, Ray Felton, Eddy Curry, Sir Anthony Randolph, Ivan Drago and some picks that probably won’t be useful since we fully expect them to be in the 25-30 range anyway are all great pieces, and while I loved them while they were here, let’s be real: they’re pieces to put around a player like Carmelo Anthony. By now I think you would know if Danilo’s career was leaning more towards the Dirk Nowitzki end of the see-saw or more the Hedo Turkoglu. I hated getting rid of Felton too, but it took all of 6 seconds into the first game for Chauncey Billups to look comfortable in the offense. Wilson Chandler? Yeah, I’d like to have him on my bench but you simply do not hold out on the opportunity to set your whole future up in an instant.

Yes, the roster as it is may seem as bare as Jared Jeffries without a shirt on, (Jared Jeffries insult #2 for those keeping score) but so what?! Role players are replaceable and the oh-so-needed defensive-minded big man are likely never going to have to cash an unemployment check.(Welfare, however may be entirely different issue) Lest we forget about the veterans a la Shaquille O’Neal, Mike Bibby, Big Z... etc, etc on the downside of their career interested only in experiencing the feeling of placing a ludicrously-oversized ring on those digits. You could be damn sure those guys weren’t coming here to play with Jared Jeffries (#3).

New York, why not concentrate on what we actually do have on this team now?

1. Two truly elite scorers in STAT and Melo. That means no more waiting for Eddy Curry to develop; No more pretending Stephon Marbury is a dominant force; No more blaming Allan Houston for never becoming what he never was; and no more hoping that Larry Johnson develops Wolverine’s mutant healing abilities. We now have 2 (probably 3) guys that could literally change the game at will, and even more so now because there just happens to be two of them and defensive minds can't just send the hounds at them.
   
   
2. Two elite rebounders at their position in Carmelo Anthony and Landry Fields, albeit neither of them play a traditionally rebounding position, it makes a difference especially when you’re playing Ronnie Turiaf as if this was 2004 and he was still playing for Gonzaga.
   
   
3. A real leader of a point guard in Chauncey Billups, a guy who still has something to prove and was a #2 pick of the draft. Oh yeah, did we mention that he was the NBA Finals MVP? If come crunch time in a playoff game is there any other point guard you'd want with the ball in their hands? Which brings us to...
   
   
4. We now have 3 of the most clutch players in the NBA in our own Big 3. In one season we went from having question marks taking shots to legitimate studs... and while a question mark may have pretty decent form, they really don't have too much lift on that period. (English humor...so sue me!)
   
   
5. Overnight New York went from being “The place you could make a lot of money and gain a lot of exposure since its a big market” to “a place that you could win a championship in a huge market.” See how much that makes Dwight Howard or Chris Paul's spidey-senses tingle.
   

So in short, New York, get over your emotions. While you’re out complaining that we gave up too much, you’re missing out on the makings of a perennial contender. And for God’s sake, please stop calling for the Knicks to sign Troy Murphy or Earl Barron. That kind of thinking got Patrick Ewing traded for 75 Jared Jeffrieses (What’s that like #6? He sucks. Get it?!) The only advantage you guys have over Donnie Walsh is your assumed superior mobility. That’s it! Stop trying to band-aid a long term goal! Truly if the fans had it their way we might have ended up with Bosh Spice and Joe Johnson right now instead of STAT and Melo.

We’re well on our way, long-suffering Knicks followers. And as I see it, anything short of Carmelo or Amare suffering a freak accident slipping on a frozen draft envelope in practice, we just might have the team we have all been dreaming of for over a decade.

2009-10 NBA Season in (P)review

I’m not a fan at all of preview articles. To me, they’re more reviews of the last season than Nostradamus-like glimpses into the future. Ev-ery article, ev-ery league, ev-ery year is the same with same championship teams in the top 2 or 3 and the good team that improve via off-season signing. And for that, the Buck stops here (and I'm not talking about Michael Redd and his inevitable return too soon from injury).

If you didn’t already notice by now, I don’t like cookie cutter systems. Cookie cutter systems are the ones that have me drafting Larry Johnson in fantasy football no matter how low I drop him. These are the systems that tell you that Jamarcus Russell is the can’t miss prospect despite the logical reasons to think the contrary. They’re also the ones that cause NBA GM’s to inexplicably sign and resign Tim Thomas, despite the fact that he hasn’t cared about actually playing basketball since his 11th grade. Generally, I prefer to use logic and if all else fails, NBA 2K10's rating system (jk). So now, for the first time this year you will get the 2009-10 NBA Season in REview; and what better way to do that than to unveil the official and unofficial off-season awards.

MVP: The Most Valuable player is LeBron James. I’m sorry. There’s just no other way I could cut it. He is the best player in the league, and he will continue to be the best player for the next 10 years (or until his knee gives out, most likely, 3 minutes after signing with the Knicks.)

Rookie of the Year: Brandon Jennings… I even threatened to call this the Kenyon Martin Award or the Smartest Retard award for a draft class weaker than Kevin Durant but does Blake Griffin qualify for indirectly making his team better by inspiring the two guys he'd be taking minutes from to have career years? Jennings-mania has already caught on, with 102% of people calling him the next AI. The question now is, who is the next BJ? Tim Thomas, put your hand down.

NBA Finals Matchup: Cavaliers VS Spurs… Yes a return to glory for the San Antonio Slow-But-Steady- Spurs…

NBA Champions: Poppovich realizes that the only man on earth that could guard LeBron James plays for the Cavs and is named LeBron James. Ginobili pulls out the right side of his hair in Game 1 not-so-surprisingly easily, then shaves his head. LeBron confuses him for a smaller Ilgauskas and turns it over to him in the waning moments of Game 6, blowing the game and the series. During the Post-game interview, he tears his Cavs jersey down the middle to reveal a Knicks jersey he's been wearing all along underneath, going on to proclaim that he is now the King of New York. An enraged Mike Brown hits LeBron with a steel chair and Al Roker, seated in the front row next to Spike Lee is arrested out of confusion. Somewhere, Vince McMahon smiled, but only as a side effect of steroid abuse.

OK. For all of you who wanted the Cliff’s Notes, this is where your article ends. But then again Cliff's Notes sole purpose is to get you to pass English and if you were actually reading this for your English class, then perhaps your teacher should find a new profession. For all of you who are still awake , the awkwardly uncomfortable foreplay is now complete and we can finally get to the fun stuff. No homo.

The Michael Jackson Award – For the guy who just died all of a sudden, but really wasn’t all that surprising either: Stephon Marbury… career dropped off faster than Steve and Barry’s after releasing the Starbury 2. Hmmm...

The Stevie Franchise Award – For the guy who everyone thinks is great but then gets traded and all of a sudden loses all playing ability: Despite Elton Brand lobbying for the award this year claiming a ‘Red-Shirt’ for last year, he had no shot up against Hedo Turkoglu who realized that his open threes were mainly manufactured by the wildly overgrown child in the middle.

The Brian Scalabrine Award – For the guy riddled with limitations on the basketball court but really does one thing well and will always kill you for it: Eddie House. Very rarely do you get two award candidates on the same team and one of them actually takes the award but this is indeed the case, especially when theres "Eddie Houses" playing against you in every Men's League nationwide, and you know exactly how the stumpy 3-point gunner plays.

The Shawn Marion Award - For the guy whose fantasy numbers trump their actual value to their real team: Andris Beidrins. He’s like a Dwight Howard… if he was skinny, white, and not dominantly athletic. Oh, and btw, that’s not a good thing. Apologies to Troy Murphy as he would have been a lock, had he been able to lift a lock without getting hurt.

The Curtis Martin award – For the guy who everyone says is underrated so much that everyone in the world says he’s underrated, thus making him overrated: Andre Iguodala… good defender, efficient scorer. That’s it. Getting 1st option money when he's a 4th option at best.

The Leon Washington award – for the guy who everyone says is underrated, yet is still severely underrated: Danny Granger. Like 2004 fantasy Shawn Marion, only the real-life version.

The LaDanian Tomlinson Award – for the guy whose value made you love him but suffers an injury and never is the same player again, thus crippling your franchise: Well, Allen Iverson was the obvious award winner here last year, and he actually was a front runner for it again here this year if we didn’t completely see it coming. Ultimately the award has to go to Yao Ming, who after trying to come back way too soon from foot woes, had another ‘successful’ surgery mid-season.

The James Posey Award (Formerly the Jerome James Award) – for the guy who had one good Playoff last year and gets a ridiculous amount of money for doing so little, thus crippling the team’s salary cap: Marcin Gortat. Career backup big man. Didn’t the Magic ever watch footage of Jerome James? Apparently Otis Smith doesn’t know Youtube.

The Pre-Garnett Paul Pierce Award – for the player who is clearly a 3rd or 4th option on a Championship team, but gets overrated as a superstar because his team is terrible: Joe Johnson… come on… he’s a shooter who can dribble.

The Eddie Curry Award – For the player who with unlimited upside that the fans just started to realize will never reach that potential: Marvin Williams. Pains me to say it and I don’t hate the Hawks, for your entertainment. With him getting drafted over much better options, he has essentially become Joe Smith 2.0. Ironically, Joe Smith is now on the same team, perhaps serving as a mentor, as the Hawks wanted to ensure Williams remained remarkably average.

The Zach Randolph Award – For the player who undoubtedly will hoist up the worst shot at the worst possible time: Zach Randolph/Allen Iverson. Much like Stockton and Malone winning the Co-MVP for the All-Star game, there is no better combination than what the Grizzills decided to use to stunt the growth of their young team.

The Lazarus Award – The guy who was brought back from the dead: Last year Shaquille O’Neal ran away with the award. This year he was a candidate for the Michael Jackson. This year Manu Ginobili brought back Happy Days to San Antonio… and reminiscent laughs for fans of Balki from “Perfect Strangers”. His new nickname should be Nick at Nite.

The Jamarcus Russell Award – The guy who deep down in your heart knew was a huge draft bust, yet was drafted anyway and turns out to be even worse: Hasheem Thabeet… so many things I just don’t like… in particular a big guy lacking big guy skills.

The Lamar Odom Award – For the small forward who is a combination of size, ball handling skill, and 3-point shooting ability making analysts pee themselves claiming they have never seen such a combination: Carmelo Anthony.

So there you have it. Go place your bets! And remember, Marbury is a mortal lock for the Jackson.

Draft This!

After my daily prayers for Derrick Rose to the Knicks went unanswered I found my answer after Paul Pierce and the Celtics went on to prove that there is, in fact, no God.

OK, maybe I'm getting de ja vu but didn't the same crap happen to Boston last year that's happening to New York this year? And see how that turned out?

Glass half full... glass half full...

Damnit. It didn't work. Yeah and my Knicks are still stuck with a BS pick in a BS draft with BS fans who don't give a BS. God I hope they do something. To tell you the truth, I'm not very intrigued with many of the guys on the board past Beasley. It seems like a very "Kenyon Martin" type draft.

But speaking of Beasley, I seem to think that Pat Riley really wants him. I mean maybe it's just me (and Mario Castelli who brought this up btw) but I find it very easy to think that Pat Riley has a little something up his sleeve... why else would he have lobbied for Derrick Rose so much? Hmmm. Honest people just don't slick their hair back like that as we all learned from the masterpiece that is D2: The Mighty Ducks.

And don't be surprised, by the way, if the Bulls pull a "Dwight Howard" on us and go and take Beasley anyway. I mean, HE IS after all, the better fit. How could it even be argued? They would need to trade half their team just to play Rose... and last time they did something like that they traded away Tyson Chandler to pay an over-the-hill Ben Wallace who essentially was just a shorter version of Chandler. Meanwhile, Beasley fills the scoring forward need... and best of all, they wouldn't NEED to hope Tyrus Thomas finally learned how to play basketball. Just a thought.

Now if you don't mind, Danny Ainge just gave me the Devil's phone number. I need to ask him for Russell Westbrook.

Indigestion 2/24/08

• The Atlanta Falcons have won the coin toss to gain the third pick in the 2008 draft. Unfortunately for the Falcons, they could not keep the coin to help pay for Michael Vick’s salary.
  
  
• Jason Kidd was finally traded to the Dallas Mavericks after the original trade was amended to include Keith Van Horn instead of Jerry Stackhouse. Van Horn will receive a pro-rated $4 Million to come out of retirement. Never has a player been paid to do nothing since, well, Keith Van Horn was in the NBA.
  
  
• This just in, Latrell Sprewell and his starving children are turning in their graves.
  
  
• The Nets, however, were unable to get another deal done as their proposed trade of Josh Boone to the Miami Heat for a pair of used NBA-brand tube socks was blocked by ‘Devious’ Devean George.
  
  
• Big trades; Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, and Delonte West are all headed to Cleveland in the first move GM Danny Ferry has made in two years. The reason for waiting this long: he having a two year conference with Isiah Thomas.
  
  
• Alex Rodriguez sparked talk after admitting to have been tested 9 times over the last year. Since this would only be possible after failing amphetamine test, Rodriguez admitted that he exaggerated only to feel better than Derek Jeter.
  
  
• Dwight Howard won the 2008 Slam Dunk contest after posting a perfect score through the first two rounds. His second dunk, the “Superman Dunk” sparked some ire from fans as he did not actually dunk the ball, but rather, threw the ball through the basket. After Gerald Green protested, Howard threw Green off the back of the backboard, did a windmill and dunked just because he can.
  
  
• Miami Dolphins defensive end, Jason Taylor has signed on to be on the next “Dancing With the Stars.” Taylor’s testicles have quickly demanded a trade.
  
  
• An incriminating photo of Roger Clemens at Jose Canseco’s party might have irreparably damaged Clemens’ case. Since he was pitching like he was 20, Clemens is expected to be charged with under-aged drinking as well as perjury and he will be forced to give up his Miss America Crown next week.
  
  
• Indiana University head coach Kelvin Sampson was forced to resign after the NCAA discovered repeated recruiting violations. The violation came about when Sampson apparently did not provide freshman star Eric Gordon with a car and a fake job in return for attending Indiana.

ChewThemOut Indigestion 2/14/08

• A trade that would have sent Jason Kidd back to Dallas in a seven-player deal fell through when Devean George exercised his no-trade clause. The NBA assumed it was a typo. Not the clause, but the fact that Devean George was still in the NBA.
  
  
• All-time winningest NCAA Basketball coach Bob Knight stepped down as coach of Texas Tech last week, effective immediately. Apparently he knew it was his time when he tried to throw a chair at his backup point guard and realized that he was still alone in his bathroom.
  
  
• Roger Clemens appeared on Capitol Hill to defend himself against the steroid accusations of former trainer, Brian McNamee. Clemens’ defense was weakened by visual evidence and incriminating testimony by Andy Pettitte. When questioned, Clemens threw a broken baseball bat at the representative claiming he thought it was a baseball.
  
  
• Florida Panthers forward Richard Zednik suffered a near-death experience on the ice when a rogue ice-skate sliced his throat open. The ice skate was scheduled for questioning by Senator George Mitchell, but was since destroyed by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.
  
  
• ESPN has announced that Suzy Kolber and Michele Tafoya will see reduced roles in next year’s coverage of Monday Night Football. Their reasoning: Their target audience doesn't want to look at women. Richard Jefferson has since been let go from his position at ESPN.
  
  
• Speaking of RJ, Rumor has it that Jefferson got into an altercation with a man in a Minneapolis night club, threatening that he would “kick the guy’s ass.” And to further prove his dominance he said he would also get his 9-year-old personal tattoo artist to tattoo an RJ on the guy’s arm.
  
  
• In an unrelated nightclub story, Ron Artest embarassingly got shut out of a nightclub in front of TMZ cameras when the club claimed they had no idea who he was. Artest walked away peacefully and without argument. However, when a fan later asked him for an autograph, Artest punched him.
  
  
• Shaquille O’Neal and Bill Walton had a war of words which came about from Walton referring to Shaquille’s championship aspirations as “an insult to people to think.” However, Walton lost some credibility when he went on to say that marijuana was “an insult to people who do drugs for all-time in the history of this, or any perpendicular universe.”
  
  
• Seattle Supersonic Wally Szczerbiak made headlines when he stated his plans to name his future baby boy Maximus after the movie, Gladiator. His original choice of 'Michael' was quickly insulted then dismissed by his wife, Shannon of Minnesota.
  
  
• After several unedited, vulgar and expletive-laden clips of Chris Berman appeared on the video site YouTube, ESPN asked the site to remove all the videos citing copyright issues. Apparently, Courtney Love owns a copyright on drug-related rants.
  
  
• After much speculation that Jim Fassel would be named the next Redskins coach, Fassel blamed bloggers for him falling out of favor. He continued that he also blames Fantasy Football players for his drafting of Shaun Alexander over Adrian Peterson and Brian Westbrook.
  
  
  
• Dwight Howard’s request to raise the hoop to 12 feet for this year's slam dunk contest was denied for the second consecutive year. The league stated that they didn’t want to show favoritism as it had previously denied the other 490 players’ request to raise the hoop to 12 feet when Dwight Howard dunked.
  
  
  

Isiah, it's Now or Never

Simple question: Is now the time for the Knicks firesale?

While most of you out there was wishing for it since the days of Charlie Ward, even going Benny Arnold on us jumping on the early millenium Nets bandwagon, I think we really have come upon the time.

I could live with the losses last year; Jamal Crawford and David Lee both getting hurt for the season-defining stretch run really made me believe. Then the Knicks inexplicably found somebody to take Channing Frye and Steve Francis, and even better, they gave us their best player in return in Z-Bo.

So with a team tinkering on .500 for the good part of last year, with the addition of another young dominant big man, things were looking good. Excitement actually started to build, even with Sports Illustrated predicting a second-place finish in the Atlantic Division.

So maybe things didn't get off to a great start. That was to be expected. I'll live with the blowouts, seriously, because you can tell that there was room for improvement. However these last nine losses in 10 games have been the worst stretch I could remember. As opposed to early blowout losses, these Knicks were finally playing scrappy and jumping out to leads. But just like that girl that got away in high school, they were first just a big tease, and then they break your heart.

It has become evident that they're not winning because you simply can't win with energy players alone. What kills me is they are actually playing good basketball and it doesn't seem to be enough. And if this culture continues even Nate Robinson, Ronaldo Balkman and David Lee might stop trying so hard.

"Fire Isiah" chants need not apply, this actually might be the best stretch of coaching he's had. But if he values his job, he better not go down with the ship without a fight, and that ship better not be sinking with the Jerome James and Malik Rose weighing it down.

The Knicks need to deal now. Ron Artest is supposedly as good as in the Knicks back pocket for next year. Well, one, you better be damn sure that he will sign for the mid-level exception and two, you had better move some of those guys whose minutes Ronnie will be occupying next year. If it means losing Balkman than so be it. But Tom Cruise's God help us if we take back Mike Bibby or some other bullshit player. I'm tired of these mid-level talents. New York needs a New York guy, with a New York attitude that we could cheer about.

It's time now. No holding back anymore. But whatever you do, Isiah, if you do improve this team, please give this team an identity, and keep them in position to acquire a superstar. LeBron is waiting in the wings, don't let him end up in Brooklyn.

Are there even franchise players anymore?

Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paper boy, David Tyree...

OK, maybe it wasn't how you remember the Full House theme, but the message still rings true, especially in sports. And no, I'm not talking about the Giants improbable Super Bowl run, I'll leave that for somebody else. I'm talking about the superstars often deemed "franchise players."

Back in the day, franchise players were all over sports. Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Joe Montana... etc, all were pretty much with one team throughout their whole career and for good reason. I mean other than those hanging on just a little too long (Favre-ing) could you really even picture these guys in any other colors? The answer was no. Today? I'm not so sure. But today t seems as if we use the 'franchise' word more liberally than Andris Biedrins uses sun tan oil.

In the last week we saw we saw the greatest player in the Grizzles short history (Kung-Pau Gasol) traded for the Ryan Leaf of the NBA, Kwame Brown. We also saw the best pitcher in baseball (Johan Santana) and the greatest big man of the last decade (The Artist formerly known as Kazaam) moved before we knew it. . and yet we nonchalantly pushed the news aside because we've seen it all before.

Whether it was Terrell Owens, Kevin Garnett, Alex Rodriguez... etc etc, we HAVE seen it before. With big name players moving so around so much they ought to sell jerseys with a dry-erase board on the back. I mean on quick glance of my closet I can now officially classify my authentic Pacers Ron Artest jersey, Pistons Ben Wallace jersey, Nets Kenyon Martin jersey and Knicks Antonio McDyess jersey as unintentional throwbacks.

With so many players now-a-days playing GM, getting the players they want around them (a-la-Kobe Bryant), trading themselves (a-la-Jason Kidd), coupled with free agency and a salary cap, its no wonder why we could never know what to expect... and not in the good way.

And while rumors of LeBron, Wade, Kobe, Jermaine O'Neal and Ron Artest to my Knicks does prove salivating, is it really in the leagues' best interest? Shouldn't Kobe forever live in Laker lore? Magic Johnson was always a Laker. Larry Bird never asked for a trade. Michael Jordan never signed a 3-year-deal in his prime to move to a bigger market. So why are we giving these scrubs (in comparison) all this power?

Free Agency and the salary cap obviously isn't working when Jared Jeffries is getting the full-midlevel exception and David Lee (the Knicks' most important player) hasn't cracked $1 Million. Then when teams like the Orlando Magic go and give a max deal to a mid-level player like Rashard Lewis, we criticize. It's crap. The whole system is crap.

Even in baseball, which has no salary c(r)ap, mid-level teams are still using their smaller-sized market as an excuse for not paying the players they are lucky enough to scout well. Last time I checked, all these teams still sell $8 beers and $5 hot dogs. They all made money but the owners are more concerned about filling their wallet than filling their trophy case.

I really can't blame the players for going out and trying to get paid. I mean if it really was about the winning, wouldn't their local YMCA suffice? It's about getting paid first, then winning. It always has been, even now at the high school and college levels. And it sucks. I really don't know a way to fix it or how to bring it back to the way it was back when Full House was on the air. All I know is that and Danny Tanner curses now. The whole world's gone to hell.

The Giants? Really?

OK OK... now everybody's had two weeks to finish their blue Kool-Aid and many seem to be jumping on the bandwagon... as expected. But in all seriousness, do you really EXPECT the Giants to win?

Look, I'm a Jets fan and a New Yorker. So there's nothing more I'd like to see than a Bostonian sulking in a dramatic defeat over Tom Brady's injured body. Nothing, except maybe a wild Josh Beckett pitch to Curt Schilling's mouth but baseball is only an afterthought right now.

The Patriots are the better team. Simple as that, no bones about it. I don't know if any educated person can deny it. Now CAN the Giants win? Of course they can. Any given Sunday, you know.
There is really no way you can honestly predict a Giants win. I'm sorry. No way, and if you do, then you're just over-thinking it. The Giants are merely a matchup problem; much like the Jags were.

Yes, Brandon Jacobs is the last guy the aging, women's-hat-wearing Patriot linebackers want to see. But then again, they were the 4th ranked defense in the league. Yes, the Giants put up a fight the last time and only lost by three, but they DID lose by three. Yes, Eli has been finally playing like a Manning, but then again Brady's been playing like a Manning his whole career. Yes, the Giants won 10 straight road games, but the Pats won 18 straight games.

Now with all that being said, it means nothing this Sunday. Anything could really happen. The Patriots would probably win about 7 out of 10 matchups but you never know. On the very first minutes, Osi can invert Tom Brady's knee ligaments, Corey Webster could lay out Randy Moss and a wild, raging Brandon Jacobs can overrun the sidelines and give Belichick a well-deserved concussion. But hey, until one of these things happens, 7 out of 10 times is a lot. And that ratio is probably generous.

Personally, you know what result I'd like to see, but I really cant expect that, no educated consumer really can. If the Geeeeee-men pulled it off, I wouldn't be too surprised but the Patriots are the clear-cut favorites. Act like it.

I hate New York's Fairweather fans

I admit it. I too have found myself caught up in this Giants Cinderella-story hoopla. In fact the reason you haven't been seeing much updating over the last few days is because Brandon Jacobs was busy truck-sticking Rodney Harrison on my PS3 all week. I'm no Giants fan, but as a New Yorker (and a Jets fan and thus Patriots hater), I can't help but smile at the possibility of yet another Aaron Booneing at the hands of another New York team (even if they play in New Jersey).

And then I came back down to earth and I remembered why I hated Giants fans.

It was just this morning when I read the front page of the Daily News: Why New York loves Eli Manning... umm... you have to be kidding me. The New York media and fairweather fans seem to have bigger mood swings than a meeting of pregnant women. Wasn't it only a few months ago that Tiki Barber's commentary made you rue the day ol' Archie Manning traded Eli to the Giants? Wasn't it was only a few months ago that you were already naming coaching replacements for Tom Coughlin? Wasn't it only a few months ago that you Giants 'fans' were dreaming of Philip Rivers and Shawne Merriman (and Nate Kaeding for that matter) in a lighter shade of blue rather than this "kid who may never be as good as his brother."

Then the Patriots game happened and Eli has been playing out of his mind ever since. But let's be real. All this talk of being as good as Phil Simms or even being a premier NFL quarterback has to stop. If you believe that then you so-called fans apparently don't know shit. The guy has seriously been only good for a month yet I have seen more Eli Manning replica jerseys in the past week than replays of SportsCenter. (And it's always on TV, FYE; for your entertainment) You fairweather New Yorkers read your New York Posts and Daily Newses and appoint yourselves Giants faithful. I won't even let my dog piss on those papers, yet it seems to be the bandwagoners guide to New York sports.

And don't even start to explain to me how Tiki Barber was the locker room equivalent of Nene Hilario's left testicle. (What, too soon?) You know very well that up until that Patriots game that you honestly would trade Tiki for Eli in a second. A cancer? Last year, I heard non-stop about his greatness, and for good reason; he was the best player on the team and because the coaching staff decided to lean on him more than they should have. Is that his fault? And until this team wins the Super Bowl then it is no better than the team Tiki's fumble-prone hands carried to Super Bowl XXXV.

Maybe instead of blaming Tiki you can look at your beloved pass-catching hick of a tight end, Jeremy Shockey. I think he's the biggest reason why Eli's been playing so well. Instead of that loudmouth running headfirst into his next injury, its Kevin Boss staying behind and pass blocking like a real tight end. Hmm... extra time in the pocket = success? Not as sexy as Giants vs Tiki I guess.

Hey, real Giants fans, these fakers should bother you too. You who have followed your team from the Fassel regime all the way to a month ago when Eli started to simultaneously live up the name on the front and the back of his jersey. It's your turn to enjoy this moment. Then after you come back from that euphoria you should collectively give all these bandwagoners a New York football Giant kick in the ass. Let them wear their newly-purchased Eli Manning replica jersey. Just be sure to have fun at their expense... "You know that Eli was traded last year?"

Either way, for the second time in the season, REAL Jets fans and REAL Giants fans have their goals aligned: end New England's perfect season. Good luck, Giants, and while you're at it, would you please shove that air cast up Tom Brady's ass for me. Thanks.

Forget Reinstatement, Pacman should be excecuted

I learned when I was three not to hit girls. I also learned at an age three not to repeat mistakes, especially when you get in trouble for it. Adam 'Pacman' Jones's maturation still has not reached this point in his 24 years of life. For a guy who wore a t-shirt of his dead grandmother on draft day, you'd think he would put more effort into making her proud.

There's absolutely no defending Jones. I can imagine his lawyer getting chronic carpal tunnel while scouring all of his law books for the next loophole. Let's see this lawyer turn this case of this woman who gets hit for stealing his money in a strip club into a parking ticket... because you know it's going to happen. Seriously, he's been in trouble with the law seven times on quick Wikipede. (I'm going to make that a word.)

To quote Family Guy:

Judge: In fact, If I could, I would put you in a place where you would be removed from the general public. Perhaps locked in a big, secure building with other dangerous people for a pre-determined period of time, based on the nature and degree of your offense. Unfortunately, as far as I know, no such place exists. So, I have no choice but to set you free.

No joke, this seems to be the deal for Jones. Hitting a woman was unforgivable the first time. What about the next four? How many times do you have to be told to stay out of strip clubs? And when you do decide to go back to said strip clubs, why would you "Make it rain" just to yet again Indian-give 'The Rain' like a storm drain? Why? Because people like Pacman never learn anything. He is unfixable. He cannot be rehabilitated.

People like him should be removed from society all together. People like him shouldn't make money and shouldn't be given second chances. People like him shouldn't be given high-priced lawyers so he could do this over and over again. This guy shouldn't be allowed back in the NFL. Heck, he shouldn't be allowed to bag groceries at a dollar store.

This is such a one-sided arguement. I can't imagine any explanation. I'm just waiting for Al Sharpton to butt his awkward Star Jones-like body into this situation to portray Jones as a victim. Please do, Mr. Sharpton, as you will continue to lose whatever credibility you have left. Go worry about bigger issues like how the white female golf analyst accidentally and jokingly offended 1/38th of Tiger Woods.

This isn't a race issue. This has nothing to do with being black. This has nothing to do with him being a football player. This has to do with an idiot who is addicted to committing felonies and getting away with it because he has the means to do so. And it makes me sick. So forget about making a living, this guy shouldn't be allowed to live.

And oh yeah. He wasn't that good of a football player either.

Pete Carroll to leave USC for the Falcons?

The big news of the day is Pete Carroll has expressed interest in the Atlanta Falcons Head Coaching job, which immediately brings up a smack in the face and the question: Why?

Well obviously it is every coach's dream to coach at that highest level, and in this case, the NFL. But the Atlanta Falcons? I'm 83% certain the USC Trojans can beat the Falcons in a game, never mind compete with them. I mean how many 1st Round talents are there in Atlanta? Three?

So on first look, why in the blue hell would this job be attractive?

Maybe it's because this is one of the few NFL jobs that have "play God" in the job description. Our boy Petey would have complete control over the personnel decisions, just like he would in sunny Southern Cal. But is that what he really, truly wants?

Sure, in principle, that's what anybody would want. With a stroke of a pen, he could get guys perfect for his system and weed out everybody else. All questions would end with him, and there would only himself to second guess. But reality check: This isn't USC anymore. Sure the girls look the same but Matt Leinart and Carson Palmer aren't at the helm of your offense. If you want one of them, you need to draft them or sign them. It's not as easy as giving them a car or having one of the cheerleaders show them a "good time." And until that time, Joey Harrington is your best option at quarterback. Still excited?

The point is that there is a reason why they don't give coaches full control at this level. The NFL is a business, and from what I know about businesses, it's a heck of a lot harder to micro-manage than to hire somebody else to do it if for no reason but to have a fall back. Hire somebody. Anybody, really. Hey, if that new QB doesn't work out, you'll have a scapegoat and at the very least, it'll keep you around for a couple of years. Even if it was your pick. They wouldn't have to know.

Look at all the other college coaches. Look at the very job he's interested in taking. Look at recent history, look at all those coaches that have risen and fallen back into the SEC... cough. Not that Pete Carroll's just any coach, but geez, these Falcons' best example of teamwork was coordinating matching band-aids for their incarcerated former quarterback.

So with all this said, should Pete Carroll take the Atlanta job? The answer is about as complicated as Tiger Woods' ethnicity. His ego may want this fixer-upper just so that he can build on his legacy. His heart may remain with those 56 running backs in Southern Cal. His head should be just recovering about now after being blinded by the national spotlight. God knows he won't get much down there. This job may be everything that Pete Carroll wants, and yet everything he doesn't need. It's like that song.

It's not that USC is the better job, even though it is. It's that Atlanta is the worst job. If you asked me, I'd ask elsewhere.

NFL Playoff Injury Report

NEW YORK (AP) -- The updated National Football League injury report, as provided by the league:

Saturday

WASHINGTON REDSKINS at SEATTLE SEAHAWKS -- Redskins: OUT: QB Jason Campbell (dislocated knee or as Shaun Livingston calls it, "No big deal". Or as Todd Collins calls it, "Excellent."); QUESTIONABLE: WR James Thrash (ankle); WR Santana Moss (Circumcision) . Seahawks: QUESTIONABLE: WR Deion Branch (calf) just so that Seattle can justify having too many good receivers; PROBABLE: RB Shaun Alexander (wrist, Doubtful: career), LB Niko Koutouvides (knee).

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS at PITTSBURGH STEELERS -- Jaguars: OUT: LB Mike Peterson (hand), RB LaBrandon Toefield (ankle); PROBABLE: CB Aaron Glenn (ankle), DT Grady Jackson (knee), S Reggie Nelson (thigh). Steelers: OUT: T Marvel Smith (back), RB Willie Parker, Any Chance; QUESTIONABLE: S Troy Polamalu (knee, choice of hairstyle), CB Allen Rossum (hamstring); PROBABLE: CB Bryant McFadden (ankle), WR Willie Reid (shoulder), CB Deshea Townsend (foot), WR Hines Ward (knee).

Sunday

Side Note: I wonder if Tiki gave Ronde any tips for this game.

NEW YORK GIANTS at TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS -- Giants: DOUBTFUL: CB Sam Madison (stomach) He got dizzy after watching Randy Moss for a whole game, C Shaun O'Hara (knee), another gem from Eli; QUESTIONABLE: CB Kevin Dockery (hip), LB Kawika Mitchell (knee), DE Dave Tollefson (concussion); PROBABLE: RB Ahmad Bradshaw (calf), WR Plaxico Burress (ankle) but when is he not?, TE Michael Matthews (illness), WR Sinorice Moss (back) I actually got excited when I misread Sinorice Moss is back. Buccaneers: DOUBTFUL: LB Cato June (foot); QUESTIONABLE: G Arron Sears (ankle).

TENNESSEE TITANS at SAN DIEGO CHARGERS -- Titans: OUT: The Titans' only good WR Roydell Williams (ankle); DOUBTFUL: C Kevin Mawae (is a calf), G Benji Olson (back); QUESTIONABLE: RB LenDale White (knee which is fatigued from having to hold up Lendale White for over 20 years), QB Vince Young (quadricep) Titans Best Hope: He just wins game from sideline; PROBABLE: RB Chris Brown (back), DT Albert "I am the whole defense" Haynesworth (hamstring). Chargers: DOUBTFUL: RB Lorenzo Neal (fibula); QUESTIONABLE: LB Marques Harris (hand); PROBABLE: K Nate Kaeding (left fibula, vagina) Come on! You're the kicker.

Updated on Saturday, Jan 5, 2008 7:21 am, EST

Fire Isiah?

"Fire Isiah!" has been more popular than the wave in New York arenas lately, but to be honest, that really doesn't even have a good ring to it. "Fire Thomas" is so much easier to chant.

But it's not as if New Yorkers ever made it easy anyway. Joe Torre, for example, the most successful manager in baseball for the last decade and a half got the ax after never missing the playoffs. Or what about Patrick Ewing, who despite being the offensive and defensive leader of 15 years of championship contenders, will forever be considered a loser.

New York is just used to everything coming so convenient. You pay for your burger, you get it in five minutes. You want a taxi, you just whistle. You want to pay a bill? Just go online. But it just doesn't happen like that all the time. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of New Yorkers. I'm sorry, but sports dynasties don't just happen. In fact they're about as rare as a problem-free Spears. Just because we may be in the midst of a virtual Boston kimura on all mainstream sports doesn't mean that NY is owed anything. And no, us New Yorkers aren't any more deserving than the people in Minnesota, no matter how much they want to tank.

In the past week I have seriously been asked the "Do you think Isiah should be fired?" question about 10 times. I'm a real Knicks fan. What do you expect me to say?

Isiah Thomas inherited a crappy situation and hate it or not, he made it better. As much as you like to reminisce about the Knicks of '94 and the Knicks of '99 you have to remember that Charles Oakley left a long time ago. And about the teams from 2001 on?

A friend once told me that these Knicks are just as bad or worse than the team pre-Isiah. Oh, really? The starting lineup of Charlie Ward, Allan Houston, Keith Van Horn, Kurt Thomas and Dikembe Mutombo. Within two years, 3/5 of that starting lineup was out of the league. But since they were lovable losers means they get a free pass? I remember I couldn't even upgrade that team in NBA 2K4, never mind in real life.

Yet Isiah took that situation, traded for draft picks and acquired a young team. Yeah, maybe Stephon's not the leader we thought he would be. But next year his expiring contract should be enticing enough for some team to trade for before he rides off, discount sneakers and all, into the Italian sunset. But other than that do you realize Eddy Curry is only 25? Zach Randolph is only 26. And lest we forget our 23-year-old budding star, David Lee. In fact, you could make a list of players Isiah discovered longer than Chris Bosh's neck. It's really not as bad as they make you believe on whichever New York tabloid you found on the subway.

The laughing stock of the NBA? Oh please... How different is this team from Minnesota? Or Seattle? Or the Bobcats? Or the Hawks? Are we so ignorant to see that even New Jersey, Indiana and Miami aren't the perennial powerhouses of the past and have slowly but surely spiraled down the tubes faster than last night's Chinese? I know I see it.

But it is this unwarranted pressure the New York media and fans put on these teams that kills their confidence and ultimately makes bad situations worse. This unwarranted pressure almost drove the MLB MVP, Alex Rodriguez packing for Anaheim. This unwarranted pressure forced Scott Layden's hand as he traded Patrick Ewing for 17 long-term contracts that we are still dealing with. This unwarranted pressure is keeping these very Knicks from performing or rallying since any support is drowned out by the boos that rain down as soon as they are down more than two points. This unwarranted pressure is the reason why we are about to kick out one of the best players and talent evaluators of our era because we haven't won a championship every year.

What has Isiah done any worse than the last seven years of predecessors? The only difference I noticed is that he assembled a team that had a fallback... In case of fire(sale) break glass and pull handle. Unlike the virtually untradable good guys we had in the Kurt Thomas era, we now have talented tradable assets.

I've heard "since Patrick Ewing" so many times I'd swear they had a quota. Marcus Camby: The best defensive Knick since Patrick Ewing; Antonio McDyess: the best post up player since Patrick Ewing; Michael Sweetney: The first Georgetown big man drafted since Patrick Ewing... and so on. Well, guess what, New York. Patrick Ewing isn't walking back through those doors. You made sure of that.

Fire Isiah, New York? How about you fire yourselves.

Toon Them Out: Carl Pavano

Toon Them Out: Spurs rain on Cleveland's Parade

Hop off the Lebronwagon

Wow, you would have thought Jordan was back. That was the impression I’ve been getting ever since LeBron’s Game Five 48-point explosion that set the NBA world on fire. But before we all go hopping onto the Bronwagon, let’s just calm down for a second. While he did score 28 points consecutively, and while he really did make a historically great defense irrelevant, was it really the memorable performance everybody made it out to be?

I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d rather watch Kobe go off for 81. I’d rather watch Jordan push off Craig Ehlo, forever casting him in the background of a decade’s worth of Gatorade commercials. I’d rather watch Reggie Miller score as many points as he could get out of that alien-body in 12 seconds. I’d rather watch Larry Johnson’s four-point play. Those are the memorable performances in my mind. Heck even the Allan Houston three pointer after a Stephon Marbury miss to force overtime against the Dallas Mavericks three years ago in the regular season will stand out more.

The point is that LeBron was just dunking, and not dunking it in a Vince Carter
way that you would remember either. They were uncontested basic dunks that my brother often does in warm-ups. When you’re six-feet and in high school, it’s really cool. When you’re 6’8 and in the NBA, it’s nothing we haven’t seen before. In fact, the most Vince Carter thing about his whole performance were the mindless, flat, fadeaway jumpers he took “cuz he was fillin’ it.”

There was no excitement. There was no point in that stretch where I had to step back, take a breath and just admire it. It happened too quickly. And whule, no, it doesn’t have to be flashy to be effective, it does need to be flashy to be memorable. After all, how many Tim Duncan and Shaquille O’Neal playoff highlights do you really remember?

And after all of that was said and done, Detroit was still in the game! After LeBron became a cyborg, he became human on defense. Jordan never did. Kobe never did. Duncan never did.

Don’t give me that crap about LeBron’s teammates or lack thereof. Jordan didn’t exactly have Hakeem Olajuwon in the middle. Heck, he didn’t even have Zydrunas Ilgauskas. And look at the Spurs. Other than Tim Duncan, who on that team was supposed to amount to anything? Michael Finley…14 years ago?

I look at the draft as a litmus test for how good the scouts believe a player would be. I understand that Tony Parker is quick, but he wasn’t supposed to be this good. Same thing goes for Manu Ginobili. But Tim Duncan (and Eva Longoria) has made them into household names and perennial All-Star contenders, and more importantly, perennial championship contenders.

Isn’t that what LeBron was supposed to do so well in the first place? To elevate the games of his teammates a la Magic Johnson? I mean, for all the times we’ve questioned the playing ability of Damon Jones and Eric Snow, did we totally forget that Robert Horry is horrible in precisely 47 minutes of every game? Yeah. Because Tim Duncan IS that good.

Not to take anything away from LeBron’s performance though. On that stage, in that arena, against that team, yeah; it was great. Did it surpise me? Not at all.

At no point did LeBron impress me really. I KNEW he could jump out of the gym. I KNEW he was a 22-year-old guard despite looking like a 30-year-old power forward. I knew this, and expected it in Game 1. After all, he could have powered home a dunk for the ages on Tayshaun, but instead he decided to defer to his fat 3-point shooting power forward, Donyell “No I’m not Ludacris in 10 years” Marshall. Then I was so sure that he would dunk it in Game 2. Instead, we got a Vince Carter type fadeaway five feet from the rim.

So he had failed twice already. So why does this become like he didn’t mess those situations up. If he does, this game doesn’t even take place. The Cavs would have swept the Pistons dynasty and the Knicks would be introducing Rasheed Wallace as their Power Forward right now. (I wish)

To me this is like A-Rod striking out 50 consecutive times in clutch situations. We know he has the talent. We knew it. Now in the World Series, he finally hits a clutch grand slam. Does it instantly make him clutch? Does it instantly make him great? What if instead of A-Rod, it’s Josh Phelps. Does he become an all-time great too? No. Just ask Miguel Cairo.)

Michael Jordan said it all recently when he said, "Making 'The Leap' is where you do it every single night. It's expected of you, and you do it. ... Not one game, not two games. It's consistent. Every defense comes in and they focus on you and you still impact the game. I think he's shown signs of that."

Signs. That’s it. Maybe he will become great one day and pass down this advice to the next LeBron. But he’s not there yet, and don’t be surprised if Tim Duncan shows him that. But instead of forcing the weight of the world’s expectations upon him, why don’t we just sit back and let him develop into the player he’s destined to be.

Jason Paderon is a co-founder, columnist, and cartoonist for ChewThemOut.com. Additionally, he was a news reporter for the Staten Island Advance. He can be reached at paderon@chewthemout.com.

Toon Them Out: Imus

Toon Them Out: Garnett Dead End