Indigestion 2/24/08

• The Atlanta Falcons have won the coin toss to gain the third pick in the 2008 draft. Unfortunately for the Falcons, they could not keep the coin to help pay for Michael Vick’s salary.
  
  
• Jason Kidd was finally traded to the Dallas Mavericks after the original trade was amended to include Keith Van Horn instead of Jerry Stackhouse. Van Horn will receive a pro-rated $4 Million to come out of retirement. Never has a player been paid to do nothing since, well, Keith Van Horn was in the NBA.
  
  
• This just in, Latrell Sprewell and his starving children are turning in their graves.
  
  
• The Nets, however, were unable to get another deal done as their proposed trade of Josh Boone to the Miami Heat for a pair of used NBA-brand tube socks was blocked by ‘Devious’ Devean George.
  
  
• Big trades; Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, and Delonte West are all headed to Cleveland in the first move GM Danny Ferry has made in two years. The reason for waiting this long: he having a two year conference with Isiah Thomas.
  
  
• Alex Rodriguez sparked talk after admitting to have been tested 9 times over the last year. Since this would only be possible after failing amphetamine test, Rodriguez admitted that he exaggerated only to feel better than Derek Jeter.
  
  
• Dwight Howard won the 2008 Slam Dunk contest after posting a perfect score through the first two rounds. His second dunk, the “Superman Dunk” sparked some ire from fans as he did not actually dunk the ball, but rather, threw the ball through the basket. After Gerald Green protested, Howard threw Green off the back of the backboard, did a windmill and dunked just because he can.
  
  
• Miami Dolphins defensive end, Jason Taylor has signed on to be on the next “Dancing With the Stars.” Taylor’s testicles have quickly demanded a trade.
  
  
• An incriminating photo of Roger Clemens at Jose Canseco’s party might have irreparably damaged Clemens’ case. Since he was pitching like he was 20, Clemens is expected to be charged with under-aged drinking as well as perjury and he will be forced to give up his Miss America Crown next week.
  
  
• Indiana University head coach Kelvin Sampson was forced to resign after the NCAA discovered repeated recruiting violations. The violation came about when Sampson apparently did not provide freshman star Eric Gordon with a car and a fake job in return for attending Indiana.