Sunday, May 27, 2007

Stop Getting the Knicks Fans Riled Up!

Apparently the Knick fans aren’t alone in wishing the team back to the NBA elite. With the free agent season just around the corner, the rumor mills have bounced around the Knicks name like Jessica Simpson on a trampoline.

First it was Pau Gasol. Then it was Kevin Garnett. Then Jermaine O’Neal said he wanted to come here. Vince Carter too. Chris Webber wanted to come here last year in Philly when it seemed as if his career was on the wrong side of the hill. Homegrown psychopath Ron Artest is a virtual lock as soon as Sacramento decides he’s not a good influence on Mike Bibby. Word is Kobe Bryant apparently wants out of LA, La la unless West comes back west. And look whose team has come to the forefront? That’s right, your New…York… Knicks! (Brings me back, it really does.)

And that was only this off-season. Don’t forget that Lebron, D-Wade and Carmelo are headed here after their three year contracts are done.

So let me get this straight. So according to these rumors, the Knicks will have a starting lineup of Wade, Kobe, Lebron, Garnett and Jermaine O’Neal? Sounds good to me!

But oh wait… how are we supposed to get these guys?

I don’t want to hear that it’s because of the money. If we figured out a way to trade for Tim Thomas, trade Nazr Mohammed for an overpaid, undersized Malik Rose, and overpay for Jerome James there HAS to be a way!

But now I have to stop being a Knick homer for a minute. Honestly, these are superstars, and even if they are content with $5 million veteran exceptions in exchange for all the endorsements, their agents certainly aren’t. I mean, as high-paying a city as New York is with our Yankees, Mets, Rangers and Knicks, you don’t see the best player in their sports playing here. (Alex Rodriguez is about as close as we’re going to get, yet we’ll never appreciate him until we’re describing him to our grandchildren.)

In fact, instead of a collection of highly-paid superstars, the Knicks are more like highly-paid second-tier players. Not to take anything away from them, though. If I was going to be paid 10-times less than the salary Jerome James gets I’d be happy. And you would too. But it shows just how desperate teams can get. There aren’t exactly enough superstars to go around, not even to New York.

The problem is that if these superstars were so willing to come to New York and play under the microscope of two major tabloids, non-stop coverage from ESPN and ChewThemOut.com ;-) then they would.

So if Garnett wants to play alongside Marbury again, I’m certainly not standing in his way. It would probably make his wallet extra large and either way make or break his legacy. If Isiah could somehow make amends with Larry Legend and figure out a way to swing a Stevie Francis for Jermaine O’Neal deal, then by all means… PLEASE DO IT!

But I’m getting tired of rumors circulating every day about possible Knick acquisitions with nothing coming out of it. When Kobe Bryant’s limousine door swings open and he steps foot onto the New York City pavement as a New York Knick, believe me, I’ll be one of those people there screaming like a girl at a Jason Paderon column reading. (Or a Justin Timberlake concert, whichever gets the point across better.)

But until that day, I’m just going to have to live with the fact that it’s still Jerome James stepping out of that limo. Not that I care though, I’ll still be there screaming my brains out. I’m a Knick fan.


Jason Paderon is a co-founder, columnist, and cartoonist for ChewThemOut.com. Additionally, he was a news reporter for the Staten Island Advance. He can be reached at paderon@chewthemout.com.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Toon Them Out: Celtics Karma

Hey Boston! You're Just Like Us!

Tuesday night was one of the most ironic in the Boston-New York rivalry. Aside from the Yankee-Red Sox matchup, the New York and Boston fans were bickering in sports again; finding themselves in opposing positions on the night of the draft lottery: The Celtics intentionally tanked the season to get Oden, and the Knicks unintentionally tanked the season to keep the Bulls from getting Oden. Ah the drama...

So with the Knicks having pretty much nothing to do with this lottery, I really could care less about the result… except the factoid that the Celtics…of all teams, pretty much tanked the season in an organizational effort to gain the right to emblazon the Oden name onto 1000’s of green jerseys.

As a sports fan it really sickened me. How could you root for your team to lose? You know what, even if its better in the long run, sports is a short term kind of deal! Honestly, it might have been better if the Jets lost that game two years ago, and instead of Thomas Jones we'd have Reggie Bush in our backfield. But I'd cheer them on again if it happened today.

This really showed the hypocritical nature of the Boston sports fan to me. I saw one guy on ESPN’s Conversation beta criticize the Yankee fans; telling them they aren’t entitled to a championship every year. Then this same character had the nerve to explain how the Boston Celtics were long overdue for a break.

Overdue? What exactly are the Celtics entitled to that the Yankees are not? The Celtics made bad organizational moves, compounding bad contracts and high school grads with a lone star in Paul Pierce. Larry Bird is long gone. Len Bias is a distant memory. Tim Duncan didn’t come out to the draft that year. They had Chauncey Billups and gave up on him about a career too early. They essentially traded the best player in the draft (R.O.Y. Roy) so you can get Stephon Marbury’s cousin. (And that’s all Telfair is to me until he proves otherwise) It’s your fault Boston! You had your chances.

But my beef with the Celtics comes from a deeper level. Honestly, I too was once a Birdman of sorts. I cheered against my future coach because there was something so intriguing about a hick with success in such a physical and athletic sport.

Furthermore, I could care less what a Boston fan thinks. I guess its that Yankee attitude, the one where you don’t even care who’s behind you, you’re still in first.

My beef goes beyond any Bill Simmons rant on the karma of the Celtics. You can check out my cartoon to know how I feel about that.

Really my beef comes from a sports journalism class I was in two years ago. Let’s have a Wonder Years-esque flashback, shall we?

Me, with a deeper and totally different voice: My teacher, a Celtic fanatic, and this student, a Patriot fanatic were teaming up on my Knicks, criticizing everything from Eddy Curry’s heart (literally and figuratively) to Stephon Marbury’s tattoos.

I was quickly getting sick of it. I promptly stood up and said, “Well, the Knicks are closer to a championship than the Celtics are!”

I then went on to explain the Isiah Thomas plan and pick out the deficiencies of the Celtic franchise all the way down to their crappy uniform.

Snap back to reality. The draft went on, and the Celtic fans were disappointed with their pick, the fifth pick they wasted all their efforts to get so undeservingly.

“We were screwed!” yelled one Bostonian. “It was fixed,” another cried.

Really?

It’s funny. Because, if anything, David Stern went out of his way NOT to fix this draft. The top three tankers did not get rewarded. The Bulls did not end up with their missing puzzle piece they shouldn’t have had in the first place. The Portland TrailBlazers became relevant.

And mot importantly the Boston fans got a nice Aaron Boone-like slap in the face: You guys are just like us.

Jason Paderon is a co-founder, columnist, and cartoonist for ChewThemOut.com. Additionally, he was a news reporter for the Staten Island Advance. He can be reached at paderon@chewthemout.com.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Walking the Line

t’s amazing the clutch shots Robert Horry has hit in his career. But when you look back on these 07’ playoffs, which shot will you remember? The three that won the game on the court or the hip-check on Nash that won the series? A series that was put in the hands of the commissioner, and let’s just say that David Stern’s recent decisions have been more questionable than Carlos Boozer’s ethnicity.

I’m not going to say that David Stern has an easy job, far from it. God knows the kind of decisions he has to make on a daily basis. (Like how to make the league completely white.) But how hard is it to have rules open to interpretation? If we were just going to connect the dots for every infraction of the law, we wouldn’t need judges. Once we find that somebody did something we just cross-navigate it on our little charts and do it. If this is the case then explain to me how David Stern any more qualified than a monkey, or a child, or even Roger Mayweather?

David Stern. Where do you draw the line? When do you cross that invisible barrier between laying down the law and playing God? Because that’s essentially what you’ve done to the most exciting series we had. You’ve taken the luck out of poker, and in this case, you’ve taken out the opponent too. Why even play, just name the Spurs the champions.

I’m not even going to pose as a Suns fan. In fact, as a basketball traditionalist, I’m more attracted to the Spurs methodical pace than Phoenix’s brand o’ excitement. And God knows the distaste I have for ANY organization actually willing to pay Tim Thomas any more than minimum wage (after the effort he put in with the Knicks.)

No, my argument isn’t that Stoudemire and Diaw shouldn’t be suspended. That’s fine with me; as long as everyone else is held accountable for their actions too.

Like Tim Duncan. Did he not on the court earlier in the game to complain about a call? Don’t tell me you missed that – his eyes were so cartoon-like you could have thought they were filming the sequel to Space Jam. The rule doesn’t seem to have clear-cut there though, only during fights. I SEE!

What about Baron Davis, who gave his former backcourt-mate Derek Fisher an elbow that would make Lex Luger proud? What about when Jason Richardson’s virtual beheading of Turkey’s main man Memo? (It’s a good thing I’m not reading that out loud!) What about Bruce Bowen first kneeing Nash in the gonads then proceding to kicking Amare like he was a soccer ball? You probably have to look those rules up, huh? I’ll save you the time Davey Boy; these incidences aren’t in the rulebook. But stepping onto the court is, and you enforce that to a T. (And here’s a T for Stephen Jackson while we’re at it. You know he probably did something to deserve it.)

And what message is sending to the Spurs? First he rids the league of the official that got fed up with Timmy. Fine! Then Stern doesn’t suspend Bowen for repeated cheap shots. Fine! You don’t find it punishable for the Warriors lack of sportsmanship in Game 4 of their series. Fine! But Stoudemire standing up… one game. Come on!

So then Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw sat out the most pivotal game of the series and the Suns found their backs to the wall where they should have found new life. And because of what? Because David Stern wanted to avoid the firestorm from the ‘silent majority’ of Spurs faithful?

That’s why you have a job. It is your duty to judge each incident on a case-by-case basis, and then enforce whatever punishment you deem appropriate.

What’s the difference between Robert Horry shoulder blocking Steve Nash and Stoudemire getting up to protect him. One additional game, apparently. The suspensions equal 30.1 combined PPG for the Suns, compared to 3.9 points PPG the Spurs lose. And the Spurs provoked it and had the only physical interaction in the entire melee.

It amazes me how the repercussions of taking out the other team’s best player can actually benefit your cause. What stops Jacque Vaughn from doing the same thing this game? If he goes Stephen Jackson on the South African native Canadian and the same thing happens, what precedent are you setting? I see that it prevents the bench from stepping on the court, but how does it prevent a Spurs bench player from doing the same this game and knocking every Suns All-Star out of the game?

Stern’s response: Well, as long as the bench does not stand up! That would be terrible for the league’s image.

My Answer: Much worse than the commissioner fixing the finals.

Monday, May 14, 2007

The Dissappointment of the Century

I don’t even need to say which fight I’m talking about. You know. The Golden Boy VS The Pretty Boy. Heck, even subplot was intriguing with the estranged father of Mayweather stepping away from De La Hoya’s corner to support his son.

Geez, if there ever was a sign that boxing’s sign of apocalypse, look no further than that first paragraph… a Pretty Boy VS a Golden Boy, both of which come under the long-time tutelage of barely literate brothers (Roger and Floyd Sr.)

The promoters advertised it as “the World Awaits” and Golden Boy Promotions sold its soul to basically any and every advertiser who would take the bait. (By the way, this article is brought to you by Tequila Cazadores™ What I can't make a dollar too?)

Some called it the Super Bowl of Boxing. Sports Illustrated tabbed the fight, “The Fight to Save Boxing.” Bill Simmons even took a break from massaging Tim Duncan/Tom Brady/Larry Bird’s collective genitalia to dub this “Boxing’s Last Great Fight.”

I just let a week go by to let ‘the fight of the century’ sink in. Wow. If that’s the century we’re in store for, I think I’ll look elsewhere. Maybe it’s the UFC, maybe its hockey. Heck, I’ll be better off waiting for Kyle Farnsworth inevitable inside fastball on Jason Varitek causing the biggest Yankee-Red Sox donnybrook this side of Don Zimmer. (Oh I could dream, can’t I?)

That’s right I said it, the fight sucked. A week later, and everybody in the boxing world has been hush-hush about the effect of the fight. It was almost as if it was taboo to say the fight was a disappointment – but it was!

For the most part, the experts knew Mayweather was going to dominate, but for sure they expected some kind of showing. The fair-weather boxing fans knew Oscar De La Hoya’s name and cheered their hearts out with every non-effective flurry he threw at Mayweather’s gloves and booed with every singular, non-spectacular responsive counter punch Floyd threw back. It’s Fannnnn-tastic!

Apparently Mayweather’s Ali-like talk was about as close to the excitement we were going to get from the guy. The guy who brought out a chicken and mocked De La Hoya calling him the Golden Girl. The guy who insulted the UFC, an company who’s promotion and organization runs circles around today’s boxing world. The guy who frankly made De La Hoya look like a pretty boy who really didn’t belong in the ring with the real “Pretty Boy.”

But doesn’t the whole bad guy thing only work when you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? Like, for example, when you end the fight spectacularly one way or another.

But after all the hoopla, was that what we got?

What we got was no knockdowns, no visible bruising, and no cuts, combined with massive confusion on behalf of the casual fan. Those fans (and one judge who apparently won his job from a slot machine) saw the fight convincingly for De La Hoya. The boxing fanatics and the two other judges saw something of a non-exciting defensive domination from Mayweather that would make the pre-strike New Jersey Devils seem exciting.

In a way I guess Oscar prevailed. He did end up making about two and a half times the amount Mayweather did. And he did bring the non-boxing sports world to the big-screened living rooms of America. And he did try…REALLY REALLY HARD.

But I’m sorry; it wasn’t good enough for me. Maybe I was too optimistic. I was sure that De La Hoya would be kissing canvas in the end. But then again maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe this was going to be the knockdown, drag-out brawl in the mold of the great Gatti-Ward bouts. I guess I fell into the boxing trap mode; the “Hey maybe this will be the fight (fill in blank)” mode.

But Mayweather just wasn’t that guy. He wasn’t out to knock out the Golden Boy. He wasn’t out to make him look silly. He wasn’t even out to show the world that he was decidedly better. He did enough, and just enough to win a title. But that’s not what boxing needed. Not with the eyes of the world on it after a decade-long separation. Not with the sport on a respirator, struggling to compete with the UFC for the average man’s Pay Per View dollar.

But screw boxing, a wins a win. The problem is that when Mayweather comes back for his next fight, and he will come back, will the living rooms be packed like they were for this fight?

Not unless he’s fighting Sean “The Muscle Shark” Sherk in the octagon they won’t.

Jason Paderon is a co-founder, columnist, and cartoonist for ChewThemOut.com. Additionally, he was a news reporter for the Staten Island Advance. He can be reached at paderon@chewthemout.com.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Interview with Giants Kawika Mitchell

I recently caught up with Kawika Mitchell, the newly signed Giants linebacker who as a Middle Linebacker for the Chiefs, leading the team in tackles the last two injury-free years. Mitchell will be wearing the number 55 which was previously worn by LaVar Arrington, who’s roster spot was freed up after the Giants released him in the off-season.

JP: I know your name is Hawaiian for David. Did you grow up Hawaii? How did you end up a South Florida Bull.

KM: Well, I was born In Hawaii but I grew up in Florida. I first went to Georgia, but then I transferred to Division 1 AA South Florida because I felt like it was a better opportunity. Eventually we became Division 1A.

JP: You’ve been relatively injury free in your five years for the Chiefs. How have you avoided injury?

KM: As a rookie I had a couple nagging injuries. Basically you need to just work through them. I haven’t missed a play in the last two years. I have a great trainer down in Florida. Basically I work out all year ‘round. You really have to at this level. In college you were always bigger than people. In the pros everybody has the physicality.

JP: Given your durability and obvious knack for tackling, why did you only sign a one-year deal?

KM: It was just based on the situation. I was looking for certain terms in a contract, and I wasn’t getting it. I basically looked for the best situation and I saw the Giants who are a playoff team, with a good defense, and good leadership.

JP: But now you have to move away from Middle Linebacker, the position you played all your career. How comfortable will your transition be.

KM: It’s really not going to be that drastic, I played outside linebacker in college.

JP: OK, well that’s not the only thing you have to worry about. Obviously the New York media is going to be watching your every move. How does it feel to be playing in New York?

KM: I’m excited. I always want to play on the big stage. I feel like I don’t have much to worry about, I’ve been producing my whole career. I’ve been on many winning teams and I love to compete.

JP: What’s the biggest difference so far between Kansas City and New York?

KM: The people. The city. Everything’s different. I had a good time in Kansas City. Herm Edwards was a good coach. He was a player so he knows what we go through every day. He took care of me, but I look forward to having a good year in New York.

JP: Thank you and good luck with the season.

KM: Thanks, good luck with your site, I am a big fan of yours. (OK maybe I made this line up!)