Screw Me, Hank Steinbrenner needs a blog

I've been under a rock for most of the year (working), but if I'm not mistaken, this is precisely the second time Hank Steinbrenner has called out his team, and for the second time, the Yankees responded.

I just watched the Yankees put up 18 runs on 16 hits after looking much like Rey Ordonez at the plate for the last week or so. My conclusion... Hank bitches = Yankees win and this is with 100% accuracy. Since we aren't talking about the Knicks, I like those odds. So keep on bitchin' Hank... keep on bitchin'.

Draft This!

After my daily prayers for Derrick Rose to the Knicks went unanswered I found my answer after Paul Pierce and the Celtics went on to prove that there is, in fact, no God.

OK, maybe I'm getting de ja vu but didn't the same crap happen to Boston last year that's happening to New York this year? And see how that turned out?

Glass half full... glass half full...

Damnit. It didn't work. Yeah and my Knicks are still stuck with a BS pick in a BS draft with BS fans who don't give a BS. God I hope they do something. To tell you the truth, I'm not very intrigued with many of the guys on the board past Beasley. It seems like a very "Kenyon Martin" type draft.

But speaking of Beasley, I seem to think that Pat Riley really wants him. I mean maybe it's just me (and Mario Castelli who brought this up btw) but I find it very easy to think that Pat Riley has a little something up his sleeve... why else would he have lobbied for Derrick Rose so much? Hmmm. Honest people just don't slick their hair back like that as we all learned from the masterpiece that is D2: The Mighty Ducks.

And don't be surprised, by the way, if the Bulls pull a "Dwight Howard" on us and go and take Beasley anyway. I mean, HE IS after all, the better fit. How could it even be argued? They would need to trade half their team just to play Rose... and last time they did something like that they traded away Tyson Chandler to pay an over-the-hill Ben Wallace who essentially was just a shorter version of Chandler. Meanwhile, Beasley fills the scoring forward need... and best of all, they wouldn't NEED to hope Tyrus Thomas finally learned how to play basketball. Just a thought.

Now if you don't mind, Danny Ainge just gave me the Devil's phone number. I need to ask him for Russell Westbrook.

Web Gems: White Guy's Crazy Dunking

Web Gems: Larry Merchant comes back to life and attacks!

Got something to say?

We are currently looking for entertaining writers to add to our staff. If you are interested, e-mail me at paderon@chewthemout.com.

Indigestion 2/24/08

• The Atlanta Falcons have won the coin toss to gain the third pick in the 2008 draft. Unfortunately for the Falcons, they could not keep the coin to help pay for Michael Vick’s salary.
  
  
• Jason Kidd was finally traded to the Dallas Mavericks after the original trade was amended to include Keith Van Horn instead of Jerry Stackhouse. Van Horn will receive a pro-rated $4 Million to come out of retirement. Never has a player been paid to do nothing since, well, Keith Van Horn was in the NBA.
  
  
• This just in, Latrell Sprewell and his starving children are turning in their graves.
  
  
• The Nets, however, were unable to get another deal done as their proposed trade of Josh Boone to the Miami Heat for a pair of used NBA-brand tube socks was blocked by ‘Devious’ Devean George.
  
  
• Big trades; Ben Wallace, Wally Szczerbiak, and Delonte West are all headed to Cleveland in the first move GM Danny Ferry has made in two years. The reason for waiting this long: he having a two year conference with Isiah Thomas.
  
  
• Alex Rodriguez sparked talk after admitting to have been tested 9 times over the last year. Since this would only be possible after failing amphetamine test, Rodriguez admitted that he exaggerated only to feel better than Derek Jeter.
  
  
• Dwight Howard won the 2008 Slam Dunk contest after posting a perfect score through the first two rounds. His second dunk, the “Superman Dunk” sparked some ire from fans as he did not actually dunk the ball, but rather, threw the ball through the basket. After Gerald Green protested, Howard threw Green off the back of the backboard, did a windmill and dunked just because he can.
  
  
• Miami Dolphins defensive end, Jason Taylor has signed on to be on the next “Dancing With the Stars.” Taylor’s testicles have quickly demanded a trade.
  
  
• An incriminating photo of Roger Clemens at Jose Canseco’s party might have irreparably damaged Clemens’ case. Since he was pitching like he was 20, Clemens is expected to be charged with under-aged drinking as well as perjury and he will be forced to give up his Miss America Crown next week.
  
  
• Indiana University head coach Kelvin Sampson was forced to resign after the NCAA discovered repeated recruiting violations. The violation came about when Sampson apparently did not provide freshman star Eric Gordon with a car and a fake job in return for attending Indiana.

Web Gems: 10 of the Worst Dunks Ever

You just really need to see this.

ChewThemOut Indigestion 2/14/08

• A trade that would have sent Jason Kidd back to Dallas in a seven-player deal fell through when Devean George exercised his no-trade clause. The NBA assumed it was a typo. Not the clause, but the fact that Devean George was still in the NBA.
  
  
• All-time winningest NCAA Basketball coach Bob Knight stepped down as coach of Texas Tech last week, effective immediately. Apparently he knew it was his time when he tried to throw a chair at his backup point guard and realized that he was still alone in his bathroom.
  
  
• Roger Clemens appeared on Capitol Hill to defend himself against the steroid accusations of former trainer, Brian McNamee. Clemens’ defense was weakened by visual evidence and incriminating testimony by Andy Pettitte. When questioned, Clemens threw a broken baseball bat at the representative claiming he thought it was a baseball.
  
  
• Florida Panthers forward Richard Zednik suffered a near-death experience on the ice when a rogue ice-skate sliced his throat open. The ice skate was scheduled for questioning by Senator George Mitchell, but was since destroyed by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.
  
  
• ESPN has announced that Suzy Kolber and Michele Tafoya will see reduced roles in next year’s coverage of Monday Night Football. Their reasoning: Their target audience doesn't want to look at women. Richard Jefferson has since been let go from his position at ESPN.
  
  
• Speaking of RJ, Rumor has it that Jefferson got into an altercation with a man in a Minneapolis night club, threatening that he would “kick the guy’s ass.” And to further prove his dominance he said he would also get his 9-year-old personal tattoo artist to tattoo an RJ on the guy’s arm.
  
  
• In an unrelated nightclub story, Ron Artest embarassingly got shut out of a nightclub in front of TMZ cameras when the club claimed they had no idea who he was. Artest walked away peacefully and without argument. However, when a fan later asked him for an autograph, Artest punched him.
  
  
• Shaquille O’Neal and Bill Walton had a war of words which came about from Walton referring to Shaquille’s championship aspirations as “an insult to people to think.” However, Walton lost some credibility when he went on to say that marijuana was “an insult to people who do drugs for all-time in the history of this, or any perpendicular universe.”
  
  
• Seattle Supersonic Wally Szczerbiak made headlines when he stated his plans to name his future baby boy Maximus after the movie, Gladiator. His original choice of 'Michael' was quickly insulted then dismissed by his wife, Shannon of Minnesota.
  
  
• After several unedited, vulgar and expletive-laden clips of Chris Berman appeared on the video site YouTube, ESPN asked the site to remove all the videos citing copyright issues. Apparently, Courtney Love owns a copyright on drug-related rants.
  
  
• After much speculation that Jim Fassel would be named the next Redskins coach, Fassel blamed bloggers for him falling out of favor. He continued that he also blames Fantasy Football players for his drafting of Shaun Alexander over Adrian Peterson and Brian Westbrook.
  
  
  
• Dwight Howard’s request to raise the hoop to 12 feet for this year's slam dunk contest was denied for the second consecutive year. The league stated that they didn’t want to show favoritism as it had previously denied the other 490 players’ request to raise the hoop to 12 feet when Dwight Howard dunked.
  
  
  

Isiah, it's Now or Never

Simple question: Is now the time for the Knicks firesale?

While most of you out there was wishing for it since the days of Charlie Ward, even going Benny Arnold on us jumping on the early millenium Nets bandwagon, I think we really have come upon the time.

I could live with the losses last year; Jamal Crawford and David Lee both getting hurt for the season-defining stretch run really made me believe. Then the Knicks inexplicably found somebody to take Channing Frye and Steve Francis, and even better, they gave us their best player in return in Z-Bo.

So with a team tinkering on .500 for the good part of last year, with the addition of another young dominant big man, things were looking good. Excitement actually started to build, even with Sports Illustrated predicting a second-place finish in the Atlantic Division.

So maybe things didn't get off to a great start. That was to be expected. I'll live with the blowouts, seriously, because you can tell that there was room for improvement. However these last nine losses in 10 games have been the worst stretch I could remember. As opposed to early blowout losses, these Knicks were finally playing scrappy and jumping out to leads. But just like that girl that got away in high school, they were first just a big tease, and then they break your heart.

It has become evident that they're not winning because you simply can't win with energy players alone. What kills me is they are actually playing good basketball and it doesn't seem to be enough. And if this culture continues even Nate Robinson, Ronaldo Balkman and David Lee might stop trying so hard.

"Fire Isiah" chants need not apply, this actually might be the best stretch of coaching he's had. But if he values his job, he better not go down with the ship without a fight, and that ship better not be sinking with the Jerome James and Malik Rose weighing it down.

The Knicks need to deal now. Ron Artest is supposedly as good as in the Knicks back pocket for next year. Well, one, you better be damn sure that he will sign for the mid-level exception and two, you had better move some of those guys whose minutes Ronnie will be occupying next year. If it means losing Balkman than so be it. But Tom Cruise's God help us if we take back Mike Bibby or some other bullshit player. I'm tired of these mid-level talents. New York needs a New York guy, with a New York attitude that we could cheer about.

It's time now. No holding back anymore. But whatever you do, Isiah, if you do improve this team, please give this team an identity, and keep them in position to acquire a superstar. LeBron is waiting in the wings, don't let him end up in Brooklyn.

Web Gems: Dwight's Dunk Contest Practice

Web Gems: Isiah Thomas gets fired... Seinfeld style

Web Gems: Chris Berman yet again, this time leting you know how to smuggle drugs from Canada

Are there even franchise players anymore?

Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paper boy, David Tyree...

OK, maybe it wasn't how you remember the Full House theme, but the message still rings true, especially in sports. And no, I'm not talking about the Giants improbable Super Bowl run, I'll leave that for somebody else. I'm talking about the superstars often deemed "franchise players."

Back in the day, franchise players were all over sports. Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, Michael Jordan, Joe Montana... etc, all were pretty much with one team throughout their whole career and for good reason. I mean other than those hanging on just a little too long (Favre-ing) could you really even picture these guys in any other colors? The answer was no. Today? I'm not so sure. But today t seems as if we use the 'franchise' word more liberally than Andris Biedrins uses sun tan oil.

In the last week we saw we saw the greatest player in the Grizzles short history (Kung-Pau Gasol) traded for the Ryan Leaf of the NBA, Kwame Brown. We also saw the best pitcher in baseball (Johan Santana) and the greatest big man of the last decade (The Artist formerly known as Kazaam) moved before we knew it. . and yet we nonchalantly pushed the news aside because we've seen it all before.

Whether it was Terrell Owens, Kevin Garnett, Alex Rodriguez... etc etc, we HAVE seen it before. With big name players moving so around so much they ought to sell jerseys with a dry-erase board on the back. I mean on quick glance of my closet I can now officially classify my authentic Pacers Ron Artest jersey, Pistons Ben Wallace jersey, Nets Kenyon Martin jersey and Knicks Antonio McDyess jersey as unintentional throwbacks.

With so many players now-a-days playing GM, getting the players they want around them (a-la-Kobe Bryant), trading themselves (a-la-Jason Kidd), coupled with free agency and a salary cap, its no wonder why we could never know what to expect... and not in the good way.

And while rumors of LeBron, Wade, Kobe, Jermaine O'Neal and Ron Artest to my Knicks does prove salivating, is it really in the leagues' best interest? Shouldn't Kobe forever live in Laker lore? Magic Johnson was always a Laker. Larry Bird never asked for a trade. Michael Jordan never signed a 3-year-deal in his prime to move to a bigger market. So why are we giving these scrubs (in comparison) all this power?

Free Agency and the salary cap obviously isn't working when Jared Jeffries is getting the full-midlevel exception and David Lee (the Knicks' most important player) hasn't cracked $1 Million. Then when teams like the Orlando Magic go and give a max deal to a mid-level player like Rashard Lewis, we criticize. It's crap. The whole system is crap.

Even in baseball, which has no salary c(r)ap, mid-level teams are still using their smaller-sized market as an excuse for not paying the players they are lucky enough to scout well. Last time I checked, all these teams still sell $8 beers and $5 hot dogs. They all made money but the owners are more concerned about filling their wallet than filling their trophy case.

I really can't blame the players for going out and trying to get paid. I mean if it really was about the winning, wouldn't their local YMCA suffice? It's about getting paid first, then winning. It always has been, even now at the high school and college levels. And it sucks. I really don't know a way to fix it or how to bring it back to the way it was back when Full House was on the air. All I know is that and Danny Tanner curses now. The whole world's gone to hell.

Web Gems: Backyard Super Bowl Stadium Recreation

Web Gems: Berman Goes Nuts...on Emmitt!

Is New England Celebrating Too Soon?

The New England Patriots are the best team in NFL history.

Tom Brady is arguably one of the best quartebacks in NFL history.

Bill Belichick is arguably one of the best coaches in NFL history.

We have all heard this and much more from everyone and everyone, but are the Patriots, the New Englanders, and the rest of the country excluding New York. But the question remains…are

they celebrating too soon? The Super Bowl hasn’t even been played people. Although my faith is as strong as ever since I will remain a Giants fan till my last breath, I find it hard to believe that as the Super Bowl is so close, even New Yorkers are forgetting that the Giants are 3-0 in the playoffs and have beat team after team to get to the big game. The Giants have also come excruciatingly close to destroying the Patriots perfect season. Although we don’t have Randy Moss, and Dante Stallworth as wide receivers…we have more reliable ones in Amani Toomer, Plaxico Burress, we also have an amazing young tight end in Kevin Boss and a good wide receiver in Steve Smith.

We also have a few star players of our own. Who needs Tom Brady when we have Eli Manning…yes I know he hasn’t always been the most reliable, but in past games he has proved to himself and to Giants fans that he is the man to lead this team to a Super Bowl win. Our defensive line is all that worries me, but with Michael Strahan and Osi leading the charge I should not be as worried. The Patriots’ O-line looked stubborn as the Giants failed to penetrate it often. However, every now and then…if they wanted so bad they could taste it…they would get through with Strahan taking on 3 blockers at one time.

The upcoming Super Bowl should be an interesting one and I had hoped that everyone in New York was anticipating a surprising Giants showing. But I was astonished when I found one man told me that the Giants would get destroyed and lose by 59 points…Really guy? 59 point? Then I completely disregarded his comment because he revealed to me he was actually a Cowboy fan to my enjoyment about bringing up the Giants playoff win against them.

All I can say is keep your eyes glued to the screen during this Super Bowl…otherwise you will miss history in the making shattered by the will of the Giants.

Robbin Antony aka Sanjay

The Giants? Really?

OK OK... now everybody's had two weeks to finish their blue Kool-Aid and many seem to be jumping on the bandwagon... as expected. But in all seriousness, do you really EXPECT the Giants to win?

Look, I'm a Jets fan and a New Yorker. So there's nothing more I'd like to see than a Bostonian sulking in a dramatic defeat over Tom Brady's injured body. Nothing, except maybe a wild Josh Beckett pitch to Curt Schilling's mouth but baseball is only an afterthought right now.

The Patriots are the better team. Simple as that, no bones about it. I don't know if any educated person can deny it. Now CAN the Giants win? Of course they can. Any given Sunday, you know.
There is really no way you can honestly predict a Giants win. I'm sorry. No way, and if you do, then you're just over-thinking it. The Giants are merely a matchup problem; much like the Jags were.

Yes, Brandon Jacobs is the last guy the aging, women's-hat-wearing Patriot linebackers want to see. But then again, they were the 4th ranked defense in the league. Yes, the Giants put up a fight the last time and only lost by three, but they DID lose by three. Yes, Eli has been finally playing like a Manning, but then again Brady's been playing like a Manning his whole career. Yes, the Giants won 10 straight road games, but the Pats won 18 straight games.

Now with all that being said, it means nothing this Sunday. Anything could really happen. The Patriots would probably win about 7 out of 10 matchups but you never know. On the very first minutes, Osi can invert Tom Brady's knee ligaments, Corey Webster could lay out Randy Moss and a wild, raging Brandon Jacobs can overrun the sidelines and give Belichick a well-deserved concussion. But hey, until one of these things happens, 7 out of 10 times is a lot. And that ratio is probably generous.

Personally, you know what result I'd like to see, but I really cant expect that, no educated consumer really can. If the Geeeeee-men pulled it off, I wouldn't be too surprised but the Patriots are the clear-cut favorites. Act like it.

Superbowl Head-To-Head

So when did the Giants suddenly become "destined" to beat the Patriots? I don't know about you, but a team that is currently 18-0 and looking at going 19-0 and running the table feels a lot more like a "team of destiny" than a team that has gone 14-5 and whose greatest claim to fame is winning 10 straight road games.

When did Eli Manning go from "horrible" to "savior" so quickly? I think that sound you heard was every sports writer changing their stories quicker than Cromartie taking an interception for a touchdown. But hey, lets analyze this game from position by position, shall we?

Quarterback:
Ben Roethlisberger said today if he could be any superhero, he would be Tom Brady. Until the last four games, Eli Manning's greatest claim to fame was being the younger brother of Peyton Manning. We apparently should be proud of Eli, because he hasn't been throwing the ball to the other team. That is great when the Giants' defense can keep the opponent from scoring, but if it can't and Eli has to chuck the ball in the air, I wouldn't bet on a repeat of his last game against the Patriots. Oh yeah, and Tom Brady has a QB rating of over 115 when the weather is 40 degrees or more.
EDGE: Patriots by a landslide

Running Back(s):
Jacobs and Bradshaw have become the new thunder and lightning. Meanwhile, Maroney has quietly helped to carry the team's offense in the poor weather the last few games. Also, Faulk is one of the best third down backs in the game. Here is my problem; while I rate the Giants' duo as better, they are also hampered by the fact that far more is expected of them.
EDGE: Even

Wide Receivers:
Plaxico Burress thinks his group is as good as the Patriots. I think Burress is being generous with his assessment. Burress, Toomer and Smith are certainly capable, but Moss and Welker alone are superior. Combined with Stallworth and Gaffney, I think one could easily say the Patriots have the edge here. Oh, and I predict Moss has a big game. The Giants don't have any one like Mathis, Jammer or Cromartie capable of defending him.
Edge: Patriots

Tight End:
The Giants are a perfect example of addition by subtraction here. Jeremy Shockey is a cancer whose talent doesn't outweigh how much he hampers his team. Boss has been a more than adequate replacement. Watson simply catches the ball when he has to. In the end, neither tight end is dynamic and game-changing, but also neither one is a liability in either receiving or protection.
Edge: Even

Offensive Line:
Tom Brady has more time in the pocket then he probably lasts in bed with Gisele. As for their run protection, it doens't open gigantic holes but it wears a defense down so that by the end of the game, the holes start opening up. Eli Manning has also been the beneficiary of superior protection, and I believe the Giants run protection has been marginally better than the Patriots', though that could simply be due to the difficulty in planning for two distinct runners.
Edge: Even

Defensive Line:
This is the Giants' single greatest asset; a defensive line that is superior to almost every team they face in terms of getting pressure. Unfortunately, their run defense is suspect (Marion Barber wrecked them; Ryan Grant was wrecked). The Patriots' also have a very good line and also get a lot of pressure, but in this case, the Giants simply have better and more experienced players.
Edge: Giants

Linebackers:
The Patriots linebackers are old. With age comes intelligence and knowledge, at the cost of speed and athleticism. However, the Pats' LBs have had two weeks to rest themselves, and Junior Seau has been waiting approximately a thousand years to get his ring. Plus, Adalius Thomas has been too quiet lately, and I suspect his speed and athleticism will catch Eli Manning by surprise (I predict he gets at least one interception). The Giants' LBs aren't spectactular, but they make the plays they need to make and aren't a liability defensively.
Edge: Even

Secondary:
I think Rodney Harrison is overrated; he misses too many tackles going for the kill shot and can be a liability in pass defense. Saying that, I don't think the Patriots' CBs get enough respect; they are that good. Plaxico Burress may be tall, but so is Vincent Jackson and Chris Chambers, and the Patriots kept them out of the end zone. The Chargers have a team built to score TDs in the red zone (Tomlinson, Turner, Gates, Jackson and Chambers), and yet they could get nary a TD. That should frighten the Giants more than anything else. The Giants' secondary is a joke (did you see Donald Driver's 90 yard TD?). They are prone to giving up big plays and I see no reason for this trend to not continue.
Edge: Patriots, by a lot.

Coaching:
Tom Coughlin is a very good coach. Bill Belichick is a great coach. Coughlin has never gotten this far; Belichick has been here four times in this decade alone, and his defensive gameplan for another Superbowl were so good they were enshrined in the Hall of Fame. Belichick has had two weeks to prepare, plus he has already faced them. While Coughlin has the same edge, which coach do you think is better able to use the information? I see Coughlin freezing under the pressure and making a critical error by being too conservative and not taking enough chances when it really counts. I see Belichick going for the throat and never relenting until he gets that title and finishes off a season that will be talked about for decades. Belichick is too good of a coach to overlook the Giants, and that alone will prevent the upset.
Edge: Patriots

Prediction: The key to rattling Tom Brady is pressure; the Giants can do that. Unfortunately, that is all they can do, and Tom Brady is adept at finding his receivers underneath and then going for the big play when its available. He trusts Moss and Moss has responded to that trust. On the other side, the Patriots defense gives up lots of yards, but is great at keeping opponents out of the end zone. As any mathematician can tell you, if one team keeps scoring 7 and the other keeps scoring 3, it is obvious which will win.

Patriots 42, Giants 24

Web Gems: Berman Goes Nuts

Web Gems: Kordell runs over 'Joe'

I hate New York's Fairweather fans

I admit it. I too have found myself caught up in this Giants Cinderella-story hoopla. In fact the reason you haven't been seeing much updating over the last few days is because Brandon Jacobs was busy truck-sticking Rodney Harrison on my PS3 all week. I'm no Giants fan, but as a New Yorker (and a Jets fan and thus Patriots hater), I can't help but smile at the possibility of yet another Aaron Booneing at the hands of another New York team (even if they play in New Jersey).

And then I came back down to earth and I remembered why I hated Giants fans.

It was just this morning when I read the front page of the Daily News: Why New York loves Eli Manning... umm... you have to be kidding me. The New York media and fairweather fans seem to have bigger mood swings than a meeting of pregnant women. Wasn't it only a few months ago that Tiki Barber's commentary made you rue the day ol' Archie Manning traded Eli to the Giants? Wasn't it was only a few months ago that you were already naming coaching replacements for Tom Coughlin? Wasn't it only a few months ago that you Giants 'fans' were dreaming of Philip Rivers and Shawne Merriman (and Nate Kaeding for that matter) in a lighter shade of blue rather than this "kid who may never be as good as his brother."

Then the Patriots game happened and Eli has been playing out of his mind ever since. But let's be real. All this talk of being as good as Phil Simms or even being a premier NFL quarterback has to stop. If you believe that then you so-called fans apparently don't know shit. The guy has seriously been only good for a month yet I have seen more Eli Manning replica jerseys in the past week than replays of SportsCenter. (And it's always on TV, FYE; for your entertainment) You fairweather New Yorkers read your New York Posts and Daily Newses and appoint yourselves Giants faithful. I won't even let my dog piss on those papers, yet it seems to be the bandwagoners guide to New York sports.

And don't even start to explain to me how Tiki Barber was the locker room equivalent of Nene Hilario's left testicle. (What, too soon?) You know very well that up until that Patriots game that you honestly would trade Tiki for Eli in a second. A cancer? Last year, I heard non-stop about his greatness, and for good reason; he was the best player on the team and because the coaching staff decided to lean on him more than they should have. Is that his fault? And until this team wins the Super Bowl then it is no better than the team Tiki's fumble-prone hands carried to Super Bowl XXXV.

Maybe instead of blaming Tiki you can look at your beloved pass-catching hick of a tight end, Jeremy Shockey. I think he's the biggest reason why Eli's been playing so well. Instead of that loudmouth running headfirst into his next injury, its Kevin Boss staying behind and pass blocking like a real tight end. Hmm... extra time in the pocket = success? Not as sexy as Giants vs Tiki I guess.

Hey, real Giants fans, these fakers should bother you too. You who have followed your team from the Fassel regime all the way to a month ago when Eli started to simultaneously live up the name on the front and the back of his jersey. It's your turn to enjoy this moment. Then after you come back from that euphoria you should collectively give all these bandwagoners a New York football Giant kick in the ass. Let them wear their newly-purchased Eli Manning replica jersey. Just be sure to have fun at their expense... "You know that Eli was traded last year?"

Either way, for the second time in the season, REAL Jets fans and REAL Giants fans have their goals aligned: end New England's perfect season. Good luck, Giants, and while you're at it, would you please shove that air cast up Tom Brady's ass for me. Thanks.

Web Gems: Knicks fan has license to vent against James Dolan

Web Gems: The 'Downfall' of the Cowboys

I know, I know, another Giants-Cowboys video. But what can I do? Mario Castelli only gets them from the Giants board. Still funny though.

Forget Reinstatement, Pacman should be excecuted

I learned when I was three not to hit girls. I also learned at an age three not to repeat mistakes, especially when you get in trouble for it. Adam 'Pacman' Jones's maturation still has not reached this point in his 24 years of life. For a guy who wore a t-shirt of his dead grandmother on draft day, you'd think he would put more effort into making her proud.

There's absolutely no defending Jones. I can imagine his lawyer getting chronic carpal tunnel while scouring all of his law books for the next loophole. Let's see this lawyer turn this case of this woman who gets hit for stealing his money in a strip club into a parking ticket... because you know it's going to happen. Seriously, he's been in trouble with the law seven times on quick Wikipede. (I'm going to make that a word.)

To quote Family Guy:

Judge: In fact, If I could, I would put you in a place where you would be removed from the general public. Perhaps locked in a big, secure building with other dangerous people for a pre-determined period of time, based on the nature and degree of your offense. Unfortunately, as far as I know, no such place exists. So, I have no choice but to set you free.

No joke, this seems to be the deal for Jones. Hitting a woman was unforgivable the first time. What about the next four? How many times do you have to be told to stay out of strip clubs? And when you do decide to go back to said strip clubs, why would you "Make it rain" just to yet again Indian-give 'The Rain' like a storm drain? Why? Because people like Pacman never learn anything. He is unfixable. He cannot be rehabilitated.

People like him should be removed from society all together. People like him shouldn't make money and shouldn't be given second chances. People like him shouldn't be given high-priced lawyers so he could do this over and over again. This guy shouldn't be allowed back in the NFL. Heck, he shouldn't be allowed to bag groceries at a dollar store.

This is such a one-sided arguement. I can't imagine any explanation. I'm just waiting for Al Sharpton to butt his awkward Star Jones-like body into this situation to portray Jones as a victim. Please do, Mr. Sharpton, as you will continue to lose whatever credibility you have left. Go worry about bigger issues like how the white female golf analyst accidentally and jokingly offended 1/38th of Tiger Woods.

This isn't a race issue. This has nothing to do with being black. This has nothing to do with him being a football player. This has to do with an idiot who is addicted to committing felonies and getting away with it because he has the means to do so. And it makes me sick. So forget about making a living, this guy shouldn't be allowed to live.

And oh yeah. He wasn't that good of a football player either.

Steroids: An American Issue

What kind of message is Congress sending in an election year? Is it that they are as eager to get out of this war as the rest of the American people? No. Perhaps it is the dwindling education levels of our children in the public school system, which has been bottom-feeding for decades? No. While American voters are heavily weighing candidates for the election in November, praying that these people might finally spark our economy back to life, Congress is holding meetings to determine whether Miguel Tejada, Roger Clemens, and Andy Pettitte ever used performance enhancing drugs.

Don’t get me wrong; this is a very important issue. What, with murder rates higher than they’ve ever been; and with a higher percentage of the population in prison than any other country, where up to five people will be living in a cell built for two. The facts are simple. Our country is falling apart and we are at a time where we are looking to our leaders to guide us into the next electoral term.

Now is the time to, at least, tell us you have some sort of concept of change ahead. But with the several meetings between Congress, Sen. George Mitchell, and Roger Clemens, I can only deduce that our political system, as Chris Rock once said, “Is not trying to catch Osama Bin Laden, [they are] trying to catch Barry Bonds.” Millions of taxpayer dollars are now being poured into an effort to turn around a private enterprise.

Surely, Major League Baseball has a pretty good handle on things. Last I checked, when people buy season tickets for Fenway Park, they don’t wear Romney caps, or wave Kerry flags in the stands. This is about doing what’s right for the league and for the fans, and it is not up to Congress to determine what is best. Rather, Congress should be enforcing legal practices to prevent drug use in our public schools, or perhaps investing those extra millions of dollars into public works projects that can get our economy out of the gutter.

How’s that deficit coming along?

I am not a politician. I am not a baseball player. I am a fan of professional sports. It does bother me to see these names: Brian Roberts, Miguel Tejada, Andy Pettitte, Roger Clemens, etc. sitting on a 311-page document by Sen. Mitchell. However, I do agree with Joe Torre, who pointed out how all of the people listed were given by the same two people. I also give a lot of credit to Rusty Hardin, the Texas lawyer picked up by Clemens, who pointed out that McNamee was under a great deal of pressure and facing prison time. He needed to give up big names to get big results for his testimony. Mitchell also stated before Congress yesterday that “McNamee had an overwhelming incentive to tell the truth.”

Overwhelming incentive. That sounds like something might have pushed him over the edge.
I cannot claim to know whether or not Clemens did it; or any other player for that matter. But what I do know is that Major League Baseball, its owners and organizations, is amongst the highest profiting industries in this country. Congress has much bigger fish to fry. It’s time for them to stop butting in on Major League Baseball and think about what the American people really want to know.

How about that health care system?

Originally submitted at ChewThemOut.com by Andrew Keating

Indigestion - 1/15/08

• Glen Rice is the latest former athlete to join the likes of Mixed Martial Arts. Unfortunately for Rice, the guy hiding in his wife's closet was unaware that he too was in the fight.

• Knicks guard Jamal Crawford has now hit 35 consecutive free-throws, four off the franchise record. More impressive, however is his streak of 3806 consecutive bad shots.

• Reports say that the Atlanta Falcons and USC Coach Pete Carroll were in discussions about the coaching vacancy in Atlanta. Carroll's recommendation: Keep it vacant.
  
  
• Michael Vick could have his sentenced lessened after enrolling in a drug treatment program in prison. Upon learning this, OJ Simpson starting doing crack cocaine, LSD and psychedelic mushrooms.
  
  
• The Jaguars website now has an asterisk on all its loss to the Patriots. They are planning on traveling to San Diego next week.
  
  
• Reports said that the New York Mets had a deal in place which would have landed prized left-hander Johan Santana. However Omar Minaya said the deal fell through when Minaya's mother accidentally hit the power cord of his XBOX360 with the vacuum before he could save it.
  
  
• The Toronto Blue Jays and St. Louis Cardinals are close to a deal in which they would exchange Troy Glaus for Scott Rolen. Holding the deal back, however, is both teams' reluctance to trade their oft-injured star third baseman with steroid accusations for an oft-injured star third baseman with steroid accusations.
  
  
• Joakim Noah was benched an extra game by teammates for a confrontation with assistant coach Ron Adams in practice. Noah was apparently set off when Adams called him a "nappy-headed ho."
  
  
• Amputee sprinter, Oscar Pistorius was ruled ineligible for the Beijing Olympics after it was ruled that he had an unfair advantage over competitors. This ruling comes as a huge victory to the group who filed the complaint; Marion Jones, Tim Montgomery, Floyd Landis and Barry Bonds.
  
  
• Arkansas running back Darren McFadden, runner-up for the Heisman two years in a row, declared for the draft as expected. Unfortunately, McFadden declared for the wrong draft and is now in Iraq.
  
  
• Los Angeles Lakers center Andrew Bynum is expected to miss eight weeks with a "temporarily dislocated kneecap." Perhaps not so coincidental, Nickelodeon announced an eight week Spongebob marathon a day prior.
  
  
• Following the Giants stunning victory over the Cowboys, the Knicks followed suit with a blowout win against the Detroit Pistons. The Pistons were held to less than 31% shooting while scoring only 65 points. In related news, the Devil is in serious but stable condition after acquiring pneumonia from the freezing temperatures in hell.

Web Gems: What REALLY Happened With Tony Romo vs. The New York Giants

Web Gems: Coors Light Terrell Owens Commercial

Toon Them Out: Steroids

Amputee has an unfair advantage?

Unfair advantage? Those words might be a little unfamiliar with double-amputee South African sprinter Oscar Pistorius, so you might need to elaborate. Born without both fibulas, "The Blade Runner" quickly rose to fame when he broke sprinting records at the 2004 Paralympic Games in Athens.

Next on his plate: The 2008 Beijing "Able-Bodied" Olympics.

Not so fast. The International Association of Athletics Federation is expected to rule on Saturday that Pistorius has a competitive edge over his opponents after extensive testing.

Extensive testing? Did he do EPO? The cream and the clear? Did he break a homerun record?

Firstly, if this guy was in the US, his personal best 46.9 400m race falls about two full seconds short of any qualifying time. Qualifying! In other countries, that may qualify him as an alternate on a relay. That's all.

So let's be honest. Even with his "unfair advantage," he's not setting any world records. He's not going to win any medals. So what's the point of all this testing? Isn't the idea of this whole thing to make a feel-good story about a guy who had to clear so many hurdles along the way? Good press? I mean I recall Iraqi children running in the last Olympics in t-shirts and shorts, competing against World Class Athletes. They got a standing ovation, and it wasn't like the pity claps the fat kid in high school gets. They were applauded for being courageous.

What kind of message does this send? Does that mean that if they actually ran a good time they possibly would not have even been there? You made the exception for them, now why not this? What, he's too good?

Give him a break. You don't have to count it. Just let him run -- something that he wouldn't be able to do without that "unfair advantage."

Pete Carroll to leave USC for the Falcons?

The big news of the day is Pete Carroll has expressed interest in the Atlanta Falcons Head Coaching job, which immediately brings up a smack in the face and the question: Why?

Well obviously it is every coach's dream to coach at that highest level, and in this case, the NFL. But the Atlanta Falcons? I'm 83% certain the USC Trojans can beat the Falcons in a game, never mind compete with them. I mean how many 1st Round talents are there in Atlanta? Three?

So on first look, why in the blue hell would this job be attractive?

Maybe it's because this is one of the few NFL jobs that have "play God" in the job description. Our boy Petey would have complete control over the personnel decisions, just like he would in sunny Southern Cal. But is that what he really, truly wants?

Sure, in principle, that's what anybody would want. With a stroke of a pen, he could get guys perfect for his system and weed out everybody else. All questions would end with him, and there would only himself to second guess. But reality check: This isn't USC anymore. Sure the girls look the same but Matt Leinart and Carson Palmer aren't at the helm of your offense. If you want one of them, you need to draft them or sign them. It's not as easy as giving them a car or having one of the cheerleaders show them a "good time." And until that time, Joey Harrington is your best option at quarterback. Still excited?

The point is that there is a reason why they don't give coaches full control at this level. The NFL is a business, and from what I know about businesses, it's a heck of a lot harder to micro-manage than to hire somebody else to do it if for no reason but to have a fall back. Hire somebody. Anybody, really. Hey, if that new QB doesn't work out, you'll have a scapegoat and at the very least, it'll keep you around for a couple of years. Even if it was your pick. They wouldn't have to know.

Look at all the other college coaches. Look at the very job he's interested in taking. Look at recent history, look at all those coaches that have risen and fallen back into the SEC... cough. Not that Pete Carroll's just any coach, but geez, these Falcons' best example of teamwork was coordinating matching band-aids for their incarcerated former quarterback.

So with all this said, should Pete Carroll take the Atlanta job? The answer is about as complicated as Tiger Woods' ethnicity. His ego may want this fixer-upper just so that he can build on his legacy. His heart may remain with those 56 running backs in Southern Cal. His head should be just recovering about now after being blinded by the national spotlight. God knows he won't get much down there. This job may be everything that Pete Carroll wants, and yet everything he doesn't need. It's like that song.

It's not that USC is the better job, even though it is. It's that Atlanta is the worst job. If you asked me, I'd ask elsewhere.

Web Gems: A Night at the Starbury

Toon Them Out: If Clemens did steroids...

"If he's doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead. I'd be pulling tractors with my teeth." - Roger Clemens

If you enjoyed this cartoon, please digg it by clicking here.

NFL Playoff Predictions

NFC

Let’s start with the inferior conference, playing for the right to lose in the Super Bowl…

Giants at Cowboys

The Giants have a superior pass rush, passable linebackers and no secondary, defense-wise. Offensively, they have several running backs that all run in different styles and a good run-blocking, and Eli Manning, whose inconsistency is reaching legendary status (and is quite overblown, but that comes with playing in New York). The Cowboys have a defense that either makes big plays or gives them up, and an offense that can be explosive, but really needs T.O. to be any good. So really, the two most important players in this game are Eli Manning and T.O. If Eli Manning plays like he did last week, the Giants have a shot. If T.O. plays, the Cowboys should win regardless. Prediction: Cowboys 31, Giants 24

Seahawks at Packers

Mike Holmgren may be coaching his final season, and wouldn’t it be so appropriate for it to end in the same place where he made a name for himself? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Nostalgia is overrated. Both teams have good defenses that make plays and don’t give many plays up, neither team has much of a running game and both offenses rely heavily on their passing attacks. If this game were being played in a dome, you could be looking at an interesting game. As it is, at Lambeau Field, this game will probably be a defensive struggle. Brett Favre likes to throw the ball into coverage, but Shaun Alexander is seemingly incapable of running. I’ll take Ryan Grant (who would have said that before this season?). Prediction: Packers 13, Seahawks 10

AFC

These two games will decide who plays in the REAL Super Bowl (The AFC Conference Title Game)…

Chargers at Colts

The Titans were a very good team. Still, I would feel a lot better about the Chargers is they could, I don’t know, score some points in the first half? You can afford to not score against the Titans; the Colts have a much better defense (the stingiest in terms of points allowed) and an even better offense (you know, that guy Peyton Manning is kind of good. I think I saw him on a few commercials…). People will point to the last time they played. Let me put it like this: Peyton Manning threw 6 interceptions and The Greatest Clutch Kicker Ever missed two field goals, including a 29-yard game winner. Oh yeah, they only lost by two points. I don’t buy that the Chargers are for real and Norv Turner still can’t coach. Tony Dungy, on the other hand, can coach. And Peyton Manning is the best offensive coordinator in the game. The Colts are the only team capable of beating the Patriots. Prediction: Colts 35, Chargers 21

Jaguars at Patriots

I really don’t like the Patriots. Tom Brady may be the luckiest man in the entirety of human history (except for maybe Bill Gates), and seeing the Patriots lose after going 16-0 in the regular season would make me laugh. Unfortunately, the Patriots don’t lose in the playoffs, Bill Belichick is 13-3 in the postseason and Tom Brady is 12-2. Maybe in a severe snowstorm the Jaguars have a chance; unfortunately, the weather should be decent, and that severely decreases the Jaguar’s chances. To make it simple, if the game is on the line, who would you rather have: Tom Brady or David Garrard? The Patriots will stack the box against the Jaguars and dare Garrard to beat them, and in his first playoff game and against a smart, experienced, team that feasts on mistakes and makes few mistakes of their own, I don’t see Garrard as having a chance. The Jaguars don’t play well from behind, and the Patriots will seek to stop their running game and get quick points on the board, forcing David Garrard to put the ball in the air. Prediction: Patriots 38, Jaguars 21

Web Gems: Peyton Manning and the United Way

Check out this hysterical Peyton Manning commercial.

Web Gems: You do the work!

Think of the best caption for this picture and win a free ChewThemOut.com bottle opener keychain! Comment away! Be sure to leave your e-mail address with your post so we know where to send your prize!


Picture originally posted at: http://www.top10kid.com/?p=27

ChewThemOut Indigestion 1/5/08

Heres the news of the week through the eyes of our very own Anchormen...

• Tom Brady was named NFL MVP almost unanimously. Tom Brady was also unanimously the recipient of the "Everything you could possibly want or have" Award, beating out Derek Jeter and Jay-Z.

• Jose Canseco reached a deal with his publisher to write a sequel to his book, 'Juiced'. Despite co-authoring several chapters, Roger Clemens has denied the book was being published.

• With one year remaining on his contract, JP Losman has announced that he wants out of Buffalo. Buffalo quickly declined as they said having a player like JP Losman goes along with their strategy of being a remarkably average team.

• Martina Hingis was banned from tennis for two years Friday after testing positive for cocaine at Wimbledon earlier this year. Hingis stated, "I never knowingly took cocaine. I think it was tainted Vitamin B-12 powder that Miguel Tejada gave me."

• Bill Parcells fired Miami head coach Cam Cameron after a 1-15 season. James Dolan, owner of the Knicks, was quoted as saying, "You can do that?"

• Speaking of those Knicks, boxer, Roy Jones Jr. practiced with the team earlier this week. After a mediocre showing in practice, the 38-year-old was quickly signed to a 8-year, $120 million contract. Nate Robinson will fight in his stead against Felix Trinidad next Saturday.

• The Oakland Athletics traded fan favorite Nick Swisher to the Chicago White Sox for 3 minor leaguers. The deal also included Oakland receiving cash considerations inexchange for any fan they had left.

• The Pittsburgh Penguins beat the Buffalo Sabres 2-1 in the first professional outdoor game in the United States. Wouldn't that mean that homeless people could take commissions?

• Scottie Pippen returned to action for the Torpan Pojat team in the Finnish Professional League. Pippen scored 9 points then quickly retired after admitting he thought it was the 'Finished league.'

• Reports state that the New Jersey Nets will not move into Brooklyn until 2010 at the earliest. The Knicks however have volunteered to loan them Madison Square Garden as they attempt to win the next WNBA title.

• Longtime Ravens Head Coach, Brian Billick was fired after the GM was told that Billick had "lost the team." Luckily, the team was later found hungry and scared atop a 20-foot tree.

Until next week, you stay classy San Diego...

If you enjoyed this article, please digg it by clicking here!

NFL Playoff Injury Report

NEW YORK (AP) -- The updated National Football League injury report, as provided by the league:

Saturday

WASHINGTON REDSKINS at SEATTLE SEAHAWKS -- Redskins: OUT: QB Jason Campbell (dislocated knee or as Shaun Livingston calls it, "No big deal". Or as Todd Collins calls it, "Excellent."); QUESTIONABLE: WR James Thrash (ankle); WR Santana Moss (Circumcision) . Seahawks: QUESTIONABLE: WR Deion Branch (calf) just so that Seattle can justify having too many good receivers; PROBABLE: RB Shaun Alexander (wrist, Doubtful: career), LB Niko Koutouvides (knee).

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS at PITTSBURGH STEELERS -- Jaguars: OUT: LB Mike Peterson (hand), RB LaBrandon Toefield (ankle); PROBABLE: CB Aaron Glenn (ankle), DT Grady Jackson (knee), S Reggie Nelson (thigh). Steelers: OUT: T Marvel Smith (back), RB Willie Parker, Any Chance; QUESTIONABLE: S Troy Polamalu (knee, choice of hairstyle), CB Allen Rossum (hamstring); PROBABLE: CB Bryant McFadden (ankle), WR Willie Reid (shoulder), CB Deshea Townsend (foot), WR Hines Ward (knee).

Sunday

Side Note: I wonder if Tiki gave Ronde any tips for this game.

NEW YORK GIANTS at TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS -- Giants: DOUBTFUL: CB Sam Madison (stomach) He got dizzy after watching Randy Moss for a whole game, C Shaun O'Hara (knee), another gem from Eli; QUESTIONABLE: CB Kevin Dockery (hip), LB Kawika Mitchell (knee), DE Dave Tollefson (concussion); PROBABLE: RB Ahmad Bradshaw (calf), WR Plaxico Burress (ankle) but when is he not?, TE Michael Matthews (illness), WR Sinorice Moss (back) I actually got excited when I misread Sinorice Moss is back. Buccaneers: DOUBTFUL: LB Cato June (foot); QUESTIONABLE: G Arron Sears (ankle).

TENNESSEE TITANS at SAN DIEGO CHARGERS -- Titans: OUT: The Titans' only good WR Roydell Williams (ankle); DOUBTFUL: C Kevin Mawae (is a calf), G Benji Olson (back); QUESTIONABLE: RB LenDale White (knee which is fatigued from having to hold up Lendale White for over 20 years), QB Vince Young (quadricep) Titans Best Hope: He just wins game from sideline; PROBABLE: RB Chris Brown (back), DT Albert "I am the whole defense" Haynesworth (hamstring). Chargers: DOUBTFUL: RB Lorenzo Neal (fibula); QUESTIONABLE: LB Marques Harris (hand); PROBABLE: K Nate Kaeding (left fibula, vagina) Come on! You're the kicker.

Updated on Saturday, Jan 5, 2008 7:21 am, EST

Michael Jordan Fake Retirement Tape

Web Gems: Brock Lesnar's questionable tattoo

and he doesn't look to happy about it... for some it's old news but for those who didn't... it's great! It's supposed to be a sword apparently... with veins and a mushroom head....

Fire Isiah?

"Fire Isiah!" has been more popular than the wave in New York arenas lately, but to be honest, that really doesn't even have a good ring to it. "Fire Thomas" is so much easier to chant.

But it's not as if New Yorkers ever made it easy anyway. Joe Torre, for example, the most successful manager in baseball for the last decade and a half got the ax after never missing the playoffs. Or what about Patrick Ewing, who despite being the offensive and defensive leader of 15 years of championship contenders, will forever be considered a loser.

New York is just used to everything coming so convenient. You pay for your burger, you get it in five minutes. You want a taxi, you just whistle. You want to pay a bill? Just go online. But it just doesn't happen like that all the time. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of New Yorkers. I'm sorry, but sports dynasties don't just happen. In fact they're about as rare as a problem-free Spears. Just because we may be in the midst of a virtual Boston kimura on all mainstream sports doesn't mean that NY is owed anything. And no, us New Yorkers aren't any more deserving than the people in Minnesota, no matter how much they want to tank.

In the past week I have seriously been asked the "Do you think Isiah should be fired?" question about 10 times. I'm a real Knicks fan. What do you expect me to say?

Isiah Thomas inherited a crappy situation and hate it or not, he made it better. As much as you like to reminisce about the Knicks of '94 and the Knicks of '99 you have to remember that Charles Oakley left a long time ago. And about the teams from 2001 on?

A friend once told me that these Knicks are just as bad or worse than the team pre-Isiah. Oh, really? The starting lineup of Charlie Ward, Allan Houston, Keith Van Horn, Kurt Thomas and Dikembe Mutombo. Within two years, 3/5 of that starting lineup was out of the league. But since they were lovable losers means they get a free pass? I remember I couldn't even upgrade that team in NBA 2K4, never mind in real life.

Yet Isiah took that situation, traded for draft picks and acquired a young team. Yeah, maybe Stephon's not the leader we thought he would be. But next year his expiring contract should be enticing enough for some team to trade for before he rides off, discount sneakers and all, into the Italian sunset. But other than that do you realize Eddy Curry is only 25? Zach Randolph is only 26. And lest we forget our 23-year-old budding star, David Lee. In fact, you could make a list of players Isiah discovered longer than Chris Bosh's neck. It's really not as bad as they make you believe on whichever New York tabloid you found on the subway.

The laughing stock of the NBA? Oh please... How different is this team from Minnesota? Or Seattle? Or the Bobcats? Or the Hawks? Are we so ignorant to see that even New Jersey, Indiana and Miami aren't the perennial powerhouses of the past and have slowly but surely spiraled down the tubes faster than last night's Chinese? I know I see it.

But it is this unwarranted pressure the New York media and fans put on these teams that kills their confidence and ultimately makes bad situations worse. This unwarranted pressure almost drove the MLB MVP, Alex Rodriguez packing for Anaheim. This unwarranted pressure forced Scott Layden's hand as he traded Patrick Ewing for 17 long-term contracts that we are still dealing with. This unwarranted pressure is keeping these very Knicks from performing or rallying since any support is drowned out by the boos that rain down as soon as they are down more than two points. This unwarranted pressure is the reason why we are about to kick out one of the best players and talent evaluators of our era because we haven't won a championship every year.

What has Isiah done any worse than the last seven years of predecessors? The only difference I noticed is that he assembled a team that had a fallback... In case of fire(sale) break glass and pull handle. Unlike the virtually untradable good guys we had in the Kurt Thomas era, we now have talented tradable assets.

I've heard "since Patrick Ewing" so many times I'd swear they had a quota. Marcus Camby: The best defensive Knick since Patrick Ewing; Antonio McDyess: the best post up player since Patrick Ewing; Michael Sweetney: The first Georgetown big man drafted since Patrick Ewing... and so on. Well, guess what, New York. Patrick Ewing isn't walking back through those doors. You made sure of that.

Fire Isiah, New York? How about you fire yourselves.

Web Gems: Frank Caliendo does Jim Rome

The NBA's Best Big Man?

You would have thought I said who's now when people see this picture. Big Dwight Howard... the freak... the Manchild. Call him what you will. Just don't be so quick to call him the premier big man in the game because I'm sorry, he's not.

Before you sentence me to stoning with boulders via Dwight Howard, understand what I am trying to say here. I have seen him live. His athleticism for his size is remarkable. His rebounding skills are uncanny. Yes, his shoulders look like youth-sized basketballs. Yes, I know he's scoring 23 ppg right now. But he's not the best big man in the game. I argue that he's not even the best young big man. That honor would go to another freak, Amare Stoudemire.

Dwight simply doesn't have the offensive repertoir to justify that standing as the league's premier big body. I'm sorry but when 80% of his baskets come from his own offensive rebounding and 19% come from alley-oops, there's really little to show. He's more like a big-time 'garbage player.' But when it comes to establishing position or gaining an advantage through footwork Dwight finishes miles behind David Lee, never mind Amare Stoudemire... or Carlos Boozer, or Elton Brand, or Kevin Garnett, or Al Jefferson etc... etc.

You may not see that as a bad thing, and in most cases it's not. I mean, yes, he sure would look nice next to Eddy Curry. But with the clock winding down at the end of the game, who do the Magic look for? Are you putting the ball in his hands 1 on 1? I know I wouldn't. And I don't think they would have overpaid Rashard Lewis that much if he could.

Howard is often compared to another recent Basketball Adonis, David Robinson. But even David Robinson didn't win anything until he got Tim Duncan. Here's a picture so you don't forget what he looks like. Oh, I guess you forgot about him. Didn't he JUST win the NBA championship? Did he fall out of his prime that fast? Or are we just enamored by the flashy (yet still amazing) ESPN highlights we're bombarded with on a nightly basis.

Duncan isn't the only oversight. Just as quietly as Tim Duncan's dominated the West, Chris Bosh is quietly doing the similar things in the East. Well, yes, maybe to a much lesser extent, but 22 and 10 shouldn't be ignored. And if you're so quick to point out field goal percentage then have fun explaining to me how Tyson Chandler is a better scorer than Elton Brand.

I am sick and tired of hearing all this hoopla about potential. Potential is the reason why Kwame Brown was taken #1. Potential is why Tim Thomas is still collecting game checks. Potential is why the Knicks, my Knicks, are sitting in last place in the Atlantic Division, the cellar of the NBA. The problem I see with Howard is that he is attaining all of these accolades now, and he will not become the player he could potentially become.

As for now, let's just call a spade a spade. He's an NBA All-Star center. Tell Wilt his standing in history is just fine... for now.