Kiss My Asterisk

There's no more denying it. No hoping that his plaguing injuries of the past few years keep him from ever returning to the plate. No more wishing that his battle worn knees give out while he's patrolling left field. Hell, even your last ditch option of a disgruntled Dodgers fan taking one for the team via 12mm steel is nothing more than a sick, twisted fantasy.

With the media running rampant nowadays, it is often hard to determine the difference between the biased, agenda driven hype material presented as fact... and actual fact. Want hype? Tune in to your local sports station to hear how Barry Bonds: framed Michael Vick, spat on white people, was the mastermind behind 9/11, killed The OC's Marissa Cooper, and tested positive for steroids.

But the facts... and I suggest you Bonds haters get yourself a nice tall glass of water, because this pill might be hard to swallow: Barry Bonds is the 43 year old left-fielder for the San Francisco Giants. And, as of the time of this writing, he is as good of a home run hitter as any man in history.

Home runs seem to be everyone's obsession. Chicks dig the long ball, and writers like throwing steroid accusations at the guys who hit them. Stop your blind hatred for a minute and try to be objective. Who knows? Maybe then you'll realize that the man who just blasted the legendary Hank Aaron off of the Home Run Throne and into McCovey Cove like a belt-high fastball... the "steroid taking cheater"... the "self-absorbed asshole"... is so much more than a home run hitter.

Mark McGwire is a home run hitter. Sammy Sosa is a home run hitter. Mashers with .270 career batting averages. They strike out and pop up. They have the defensive prowess of Eddy Curry. Basically, when they're not knocking the ball out of the park, they're not helping their teams.

But Bonds? The man is a HITTER, period. Not a "power hitter". Not a "contact hitter." Placing him in any one of these groups is a huge injustice. He is Major League Baseball's walking buffet table.

You want power? Bonds hit 25+ home runs in fourteen different seasons -- including four times while wearing his anorexic Pittsburgh Pirate costume. He hit 40+ home runs in eight different seasons.

Forget power, though... lets say you need a baserunner. Well, there is NOBODY better than Bonds here. "Barroid" posted an on base percentage of .400+ in 17 of his 21 MLB seasons, including a "WTF" mind-numbing .609 in 2004.

But whatever, old ladies can draw walks. You want guys in scoring position? Just give Bonds the sign and watch him steal second. Yep, in addition to his absurd power numbers, the man was also one of the best base stealers of his time, racking up 25+ steals in 12 different seasons.

Need some defense? Eight Gold Gloves says that #25 measures up here as well.

So as we bicker back and forth about whether or not his accusations should taint his title as "Home Run King"... I think that it is a moot point. Because if I'm Barry Bonds, with a bag of tricks that would make Harry Houdini jealous, I would be offended by that title, which insinuates a one-dimensional player.

Has he taken steroids? Probably. Certainly, according to every washed up outfielder with a pressing need to sell books (Money management is overrated, huh?). I'm not going to play dumb here. But it's easy to throw accusations around. Even someone with a girly arm like Johnny Damon could toss those out there. Hell, we can be 99% sure that Bonds is a juicer. The majority of us are 99+% sure that OJ Simpson killed his wife... but no matter what we may think about it, the burden of proof is what it is. Until you show up with a urine sample saying otherwise, the only thing Bonds has ever tested positive for are amphetamines -- and you can ask Neifi Perez how much those help in hitting the ball out of the park.

Don't get me wrong...while I don't share it, I can understand the hatred for the man. I'm not a Bonds fan boy by any means. I think he is incredibly arrogant. I think he has a horrible attitude toward his fans. He refuses to bend to the media's wishes. As a person, he sucks. But, so what? Nobody is nominating the man for sainthood.

He's never going to be the face of a major corporation. He's never going to be a billion dollar clothing tycoon. He's never going to be a media darling. We have enough of those, very few of whom possess talent in even the same stratosphere as Bonds. They get the fat endorsement checks and the public adoration.

But Bonds? He doesn't want any of that. He wants his family, his privacy, and his legacy.

While he may suck hardcore as a celebrity, the man is a baseball player. One whose career is winding down. One who is soon to ride off into the sunset, away from the public eye that he's battled with for 22 years. In all likelihood, there are about two months left in the life of Barry Bonds: Baseball Player.

With his accomplishments forcing him into the forefront of the sports world, it is impossible to ignore him.

So, the decision is ours. We can either spend these last few months hating the MAN we hardly know (as much as we think we do)...

Or, we can spend them celebrating the career of the PLAYER who was the greatest of his time.

Originally posted at ChewThemOut.com by Mario Castelli